On Buying a Bathing Suit

In response to Elizabeth Esther

In a questionable attempt to be funny, I left a seriously long "comment" to Elizabeth's latest post this morning. Since I tend to be awfully long winded but hopefully conscientious of others' blog space, I thought I would just delete it over there and post it here. Sorry Elizabeth... maybe you know this about me by now?

Anyway... I've had my share of bathing suit woes lately. Here's a glimpse.

note: There will not be a picture included in this post.

Ok Elizabeth.... I haven't even birthed babies and I still have a post-partum body. Speaking of "WTF???"...

While I appreciate your attempt to encourage the rest of us to a positive attitude in this whole bathing suit issue (you're doing a great job of it yourself btw) it's just not workin' for me. Your arguments are sound but your method is erroneous.

Now, I know you have 5 children and you probably barely even eeked out time to swing by Target for 1/2 an hour. And seeing as how you're buying a new house (and you have 5 children to clothe and feed) Target might fit into your budget quite perfectly (it does mine). But I am telling you - DO NOT go to Target to try and find a bathing suit. Or Kohls... and especially not Old Navy. You might, MIGHT, be able to find something at TJ Maxx - but the odds are not in your favor. Believe me. I know.

You are right that your children will not care, although when you ask them how you look they may respond with something similar to what my brother said to my mom once, "Are you supposed to look big or are you supposed to look small?"

Anyway, allow me to convince you:

1. The lighting in Target is awful. Even with 8 full hours of sleep it will still make you look like you have dark circles under your eyes. I won't even begin to tell you what it makes cellulite look like.

2. One is destined to be in a room next to girls as you described. But even worse, one might see their little 110 lb bodies carry in the exact same bathing suit you plan to try and squeeze your own body into.

3. Target bathing suit fabric isn't made to hold anything in - in fact, I'd bet it may have been made to do just the opposite.

4. If you do find a suitable suit - what you save in dollars, you could quite possibly lose in time grumping over it every time you have to put it on.

The solution to the problem of which I have yet to resolve myself? Land's End!

Every year I tell myself I'm going to buy one - and this year I am. I'm just going take an hour or so one evening, take all my measurements, spend the money and order myself the perfect suit... that I can try on in the comfort of my own bedroom surrounded by candlelight and soothing music (ok.. maybe not candlelight but certainly not florescent)

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Maybe I'll even post a picture of myself in it to go along with the gun show. Just for you. ;-)

Oh no!! I just went over to Elizabeth's blog to delete my comment... and I can't!! Oh the embarrassment of it all!