A Weird Day

My Grandma called this morning. Not unusual. She asked me what I was doing and would I like to go with her to a picnic. Even though I had extensive plans for my day (which included going to the fabric store, Lowe's, K-Mart, putting the kids' furniture back in their room and organizing some of their clothes) I agreed. I've been agreeing a lot lately. I think the realization has set in that my grandma will not be around for a lot longer so I want to spend as much time with her as I can. She's 78, pretty young for a grandma and she looks great with only a few minor health problems. Let's see if I can find a picture of her....


That was taken a couple weeks ago. Here's another one. Just for fun. And because I love pictures of my darling kids and stylish grandma.




Pretty good for 78, huh? Anyway, back to my story... She called to see if I wanted to go to a picnic at some friends' mountain property. I went there a lot with my grandparents when I was a little girl and have fun memories of camping with them over various holidays. My grandpa was a really charismatic guy and everyone loved him. When he was around there was always laughter to be had. I loved my grandparents friends - some of them are still very special to me - I babysat their kids and grandkids. Many were like extended family to me. These were always the people at "the property".

So, when she asked me to go with her today this was the picture I had in my mind. Now, I know a lot has changed. Many of my grandparents friends have passed away. My grandfather has also passed away which is part of the reason I attend a lot of these functions with my grandma. The kids and grandkids I used to babysit are married now and some have children of their own. They're now the ones that camp up at the property. As these thoughts flashed through my mind, combined with the fact that Justin is working, I decided to go along.

I should have known from the start that things might go a little awry. The only thing I had for the potluck was a half eaten bag of salt and pepper kettle chips. (Which, right at this moment, I'm totally wishing I hadn't left up there.) I was leaving just as Adia needed to eat and about an hour before the kids usually go down for their afternoon naps. But we've skipped naps before - and in a fun place it usually works out ok. I figured both Steele and Adia would fall asleep in the car and Adia would hold out until we arrived. I picked up my grandma, stopped by Lowe's to get a few paint chips, popped into K-Mart for barrettes and some Mr. Potato Head accessories and headed up to the mountain.

When we got there we/I clumsily parked while everyone was watching me and trying to figure out who the heck it was driving a gold volvo wagon. I unloaded Adia and went back to unload sleeping Steele. Everyone ooohed and ahhhed at my cute kids and things started off on a good foot. Adia started to fuss and so I got her bottle prepared and my grandma graciously offered to feed her.

With Adia still being so young the "adoption" talk invariably arises. I have to give my grandma a huge gold star in this area - her wisdom and comfort level with adoption has far exceeded any expectation I ever had. She has gone from a woman who verbalized to me before my son was born that she was not sure she could love an adopted child the same (no, I'm not joking) to an adoring woman who protectively defends anyone that might ignorantly question their place in our family. I understand peoples' ignorance in the area of adoption and generally politely answer the, "oh, so they're not yours, are they brother and sister, do you know their mom?" questions so as to educate them without embarrassment. Usually something along the lines of..., "Well, yes, they're mine but I didn't give birth to them. No, they are not biologically related but they are brother and sister. Yes, we still have communication with their birthmothers. Come to mama, son." If I'm being honest I do sometimes want to say, "Let's see, what qualifies them as mine? Poopy diapers, spit-up, puke, bloody lips, knees, making dinner, doctors bills, a heart full of LOVE for them. Brother and sister? They're birth certificates both say insert our last name here on them. Do I know their mom? Um, I'm her." But I don't say those things. Obviously. 'Cause it would be rude. Just like their funny questions.

Most of you reading this know that I am not uncomfortable with the topic of adoption one bit. My kids will never remember a time when they found out they were adopted. To me, it is like having a different color hair, being born in a different hospital. Some kids come out of their mama's tummies, some don't. I'm also not uncomfortable talking about our attempt to have biological children. Probably because it doesn't matter me. I've said time and time again that I don't care how God builds our family, just as long as He does. I never, ever had it set in my mind that I needed to give birth to my kids. In fact, the more births I watch (4 now), the more I think I have it pretty good how it is. If I get pregnant some day I will be no more excited than I was the day we found out we were getting Steele.

So, I'm sure you're wondering about the "weirdness" part of this whole post. Well, you'll just have to wait until next time. It's close to 10:30 and I've decided I'm way too tired to finish this in any way worth reading. And, I have church clothes to get ready for tomorrow mornin'. I know, you're all hating this - especially Jodi I'm sure. It's really nothing that exciting, just a little comical to me and somewhat like a movie scene that makes you uncomfortable just watching it. You know, just the way you felt as you were watching Ben Stiller embarrass himself in front of his would be father-in-law... ouch.

My Week So Far

I am absolutely loving the beginning of summer and all the fun activities it holds. It's really been a great week so far. I thought I would share a few of the highlights in pictures.

First, I think I have finally chosen a paint color for my kitchen, hallway and kids' bedroom. Thanks in part to my friends over at Team FHS - Holla!- I have decided to go with the lighter color. It's the best color ever. Well... it kinda has to be since it's like the 6th one and I think Justin might raise an eyebrow if I go buy any more.




Perhaps the only down side to my week - I have come to the sad conclusion that it must not be the Lord's will for us to have an outdoor gas barbecue. I have called on several from Craig's List only to have them viciously ripped out from under me. Justin was going to go pick one up today until the guy called and said the people who didn't have enough gas money to get to his house somehow scrounged it up. Justin brought this home from his co-worker the other day. It's a real bute. Thanks a lot Dick. (that is his name. really)



The kids and I went strawberry picking with my mom and little brother and sister yesterday. Now what says summer better than a sunny day and dirt mixed with strawberries smeared all over your son's face? I love the progression of some of these pictures so I have to post them all.

author's note: If you want to see the rest of the pictures I had in this blog you have to HELP me!! I cannot figure out how to get them side by side and not stacked on top of each other.

Beginning.

I have recently begun to think about what our life and days will look like as we have more children and begin homeschooling. Upon thinking about it, I realized that it is my desire that we never have a time where we actually go from not schooling to all of a sudden schooling, but rather that learning and teaching will be a natural progression. Now, I recognize that there will come a time when I will need to sit down and think about a curriculum, will need to plan the flow of my childrens' days and learning and will need to set some goals regarding these things. At the heart of this though, is the desire I have to take every opportunity that presents itself as a teaching moment - even now at my childrens' young ages.

As I have begun to think about all of this I have found myself feeling extremely overwhelmed at this possibly daunting task. I have been perusing various curriculum web sites and looking over some ideas for working with pre-schoolers. Some list, quite exhaustively, different schedules, activities, crafts, quiet times, devotions etc. to begin with young children. I happened to be looking at some of these things tonight. With each consecutive link I clicked I quite honestly could feel myself beginning to have a panic attack. Now, if you know me at all you know that "scheduled" is definitely not a word that describes me. I share with my mother this very curious trait of getting things done in no particular or sensible order. We are quite known, the both of us, for starting to put dishes in the dishwasher and noticing that the windows are dirty. So, we wash the windows and while walking past the kids bedroom to put away the window spray we notice that some particular pants don't fit them anymore so we proceed to sorting their clothes. While doing this we may notice a pair of perfectly good jeans with a hole or two in the knees, but hey - they're still in fairly good condition - might as well cut them off and sew them into shorts. While sitting at the sewing machine we see the fabric we bought for the kitchen windows and think to ourselves, "Well, now's as good a time as ever..." and the scene goes on. Until it is 11:30 and we are just getting the ingredients together to bake a pie for the following day's potluck at church. (My mom does not actually bake pies, but I do)

I certainly don't want to dismiss the benefit of a schedule. The reality though, is that I am not naturally this way. To some extent I have learned to apply a schedule to different areas of my life. For example, I have found that putting my children on a sleeping and eating schedule - especially while they are infants - has helped me maintain my sanity and joy. And theirs. I have also learned that Jazzercise students prefer knowing a specific time to show up for class. Doctors also like when you show up at the time, or at least near the time, they have your appointment scheduled. I suspect that, like these things, I will find for myself a comfortable homeschooling schedule. But for the most part I currently do not plan out the majority of my day.

When I think about teaching my children I know I need to take my God-given personality traits into consideration. I realized this tonight after I clicked on a link that led me to this:



Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure it is a perfectly wonderful book. But it was pretty much the exact moment the panic attack started in. I began to sense a strange feeling rising up inside of me. A constrained, imprisoned, Martha Stewarty feeling (no pun intended) that I wrote about in a previous post. At first glance I thought to myself, "This looks like it should be a great idea." That lasted for a few seconds... until I felt like I was going to throw up from the pressure of it all. I realized, and am getting better at realizing earlier than later (you know, not after I've already spent a ton of money on all the organizational tools), that this is not me. This does not mean in any way, shape or form that I know what is me. Especially in regards to homeschooling....yet. But I do think it is a start, a beginning you might say, to figuring out what homeschooling is going to look like for our family. In my imagination I envision some sort of loose schedule and curriculum that gives me room to be me - spontaneous, random, adventurous, fun. One that insures that my kids learn their times tables and grammar and are able to carry on a coherent intelligent conversation - but also allows for the joy of the unexpected experiences and fellowship that God often presents to us.

Most importantly, I was struck by the revelation that the wisdom in all of these tools and books originated from one source. God and His word. So for now, I have decided that this is the place for me to start. I am confident, that through devoted prayer, consideration and purposeful action, the Lord will reveal to me our homeschooling path.

In the mean time, this is more my style and will at least get me out the door and onto the path.

Pee Tips

1. Let 'em run bare and free.

2. Give 'em treats.

3. Don't leave the house.

4. Buy 'em fancy pants.

5. And for goodness sake, don't waste your time thinking you have to make peeing and pooping like going to Disneyland. Don't you know?

Blog Envy

I have recently been spending a fair amount of time reading the chronicles of one little Lucas Aurelius over at Baby Balloun. His cool parents are friends of ours but I have to say I am quite jealous of their blogging forte.

Their posts regularly include highlighted words that link to neato web sites, pictures and even video clips. Not to be outdone, I have figured out how to link to one site from one word. The second try wasn't as successful.

I also am quite envious of the headers you will find here and here.

I believe I am in need of some blogging tutelage.

If you know me, you know I will not settle for mediocrity. I will not be outdone.

The Blessing of Friends

All my life I have wanted a best friend. Growing up, I always seemed to feel on the outside of the "in" groups. Perhaps because I was mature and got good grades, I found it hard to make friends. In any case, as a little girl, I would often come home crying saying that I didn't have any friends. When my mom would name off the people that I sometimes hung out with I would promptly answer her with,"But I want a best friend. The type of friend that calls me first."

It was a while before I found that friend. In high school I became friends with Paula, whom I met at church. She went to a different school than I did but only lived a few minutes away from me. Over the course of our sophomore through senior years in high school we were inseparable. Before we could drive our parents would drive us to one another's houses. When we got our licenses (Paula first) we would get together immediately after school let out. Some of my most fun memories are with Paula - coloring in our special coloring books, lip syncing to Amy Grant, driving to see William in Seattle, going to camp, a missions trip to Mexico, crushes, boyfriends, graduation and going off to college.

Over the years we have been in touch off and on. She and her husband who is a youth pastor have moved around Canada quite a bit and more recently, since we've each had children, we have enjoyed keeping up to date with one another.

I have had the blessing of having several special friends in my life. They are not numerous - I can count them on one hand. They are the ones who have supported me, prayed for me, cleaned out my bean pots, been in my wedding, cried at the birth of my children, laughed at my jokes, been honest with me, forgiven me... they are each treasures that I hold dear. What a creative gift the Lord has given us.

One of these friends is my dear Amy. She is most faithful in prayer for me. She encourages me in parenting and homeschooling, she drinks margaritas with me and compliments me on how cute my hair is (even when it's not). We'll let you all in on a little secret - we're praying one day we'll be in-laws. I figure the more children we have, the better our odds get.

Amy and her Clan


Our Little Fam


We're also doing our best to make sure our kids don't come home crying that they don't have any friends.

Ethan and Steele


Adia and Ava


The Whole Bunch of 'Em.

The Art Inside

I'm sitting here, this drizzly Saturday morning, contemplating myself. Admittedly, I'm in a grumpy mood - who knows why. Could be hormones, the rain, outside burdens, the stressful time I had with my family over the last couple of days. Nonetheless, I am contemplating who I am. I sat down to put my set together for Jazzercise. This fact in itself surprises me sometimes because when I look at myself in my mind's mirror I am not an aerobics instructor. Getting back to the point... I sat down and turned on my friend Gabe's "mix tape" that he made for all of us and realized that I love this music. It's the type of music that makes me feel like the person that I see in my mind's mirror.

A lot of people might not realize that one of the layers of me is a hip, alternative, funky clothes and square glass wearing, short choppy banged hang-out-in-Fairhaven, art and music loving rocker type of person. My friend Amy realizes this - she recently called me a "skater-chick" which she knows is a part of me at heart. I love that she knows me so well - not many do. That layer is the one that knows almost all the lyrics to every Beatles song and sang them all the way down to Portland and back. It's the part that listend to Echo and the Bunnymen and Depeche Mode when I was in high school. It's the part that dresses Steele in black high top converse and Hurley shirts with a little skull on it.

For some reason though, this part of me has been outvoted by another part of me. The part that's more Martha Stewart - likes to cook, decorate, organize, look fancy, garden, sew, blog, check myspace.... It most definitely has not been covered up by the part of me that's a mother. In fact, it really irks me when people say they don't know who they are anymore after they became a mom. If anything, being a mama has made me want to know my true self even more - to see how all of these parts fit together. God made me my childrens' mama and I don't want them to miss out on any part of that. I want to recognize the parts of me that I see in my children and bring them out so we can all enjoy them.

This part of me has also been covered up by the part of me that wants to be an adult and be responsible. For some reason, in my mind, I can't get the rocker chick and the responsible adult to walk hand in hand. I don't think men have this problem as much - nobody looks at Bono or Sting and thinks they look ridiculous.

Now, I'm not saying that this business owner aerobics instructor person is a falsehood - it's just not the part of me that is the most passionate, inspiring or true.

I think I'm also thinking about all of this because I just got back from Portland where I went to a show at my cousin's art studio. She's the most amazing artist, reflected by the fact that almost every piece of her work sold. While there I also saw my cousin (her brother) who recently won an Emmy for his documentary, Reefnet. Now, this is the family that I am a part of. These are the talents that my ancestors unknowingly passed on to our Pasinski clan. And even though I may not get along with every one of them, my family members all hold the same creativity and passion that drives us to art in some form or another.

I wouldn't do this post justice if I didn't mention the fact that this self analysis is complicated by the fact that I'm a Christian. The reality is that it's not complicated at all - God made me this way and He made me to worship Him with the gifts He gave me. It fits together perfectly. But, I'm self-inhibited by the thought that many people don't see it this way. My family thinks that because I am a Christian there is no way I could be hip. (although I'm not really sure that "hipness" is the goal - I just can't think of a better word). On the flip side - I wonder if people might assume untrue things of me if I showed up at church, or Bible study or the park in black and white striped tights and Dr. Martens. I'm also self-inhibited by the fact that this co-habitation of selves boggles my own mind.

So that's what I'm thinking about today. That and the fact that I have to exercise my adult responsibilites and take my dog Fiona back - the dog that I thought we had found a new home for. I'm also thinking about figuring out how to get words in my posts to link to other web sites. And there is a small part of me that wonders how many of my friends and family will be surprised when they read this...

Thank you to all of you who know me and love me, who see me for me and let me be that person - even more than I let myself be that person sometimes.

Happy Summer Days Cont'd

Farmer's Day

We walked down to the Farmer's Day parade today. Go ahead - laugh - I got tears in my eyes as the bands went by. There is so much in life to enjoy - we don't deserve any of it but we get to live it.



Who needs Saturday morning cartoons when there are tractors and a Monster Truck staging outside your window?



The Monster Truck...



Mama and Dee Dee at the parade.



Dee Dee's getting bigger!



Farmer's Day can be rough.

My Very First Post

Well, this probably won't be a very interesting first post but I'm dying to put something up. I'll write more later.

It's been hot here in the Great Northwest. We've spent most of the last two days blowing bubbles, playing in the kiddie pool, planting flowers and taking walks. Last night we took a walk downtown to get ice cream cones. Ahhhh... the simple life. (not the one Paris lives, the real one)

Adia Keepin' It Cool



Waiting for Mama





Like Father, Like Son



Here's to Happy Summer Days!