Ahhhh...

That's me. Sighing a sigh of relief. Today feels a little better. Yesterday, by 8:30 in the morning, I had already driven through Starbucks and McDonalds and I may or may not have had tears streaming down my cheeks. But today? Today I feel more emotionally stable. My hormones feel more under control. I'm more rested. I've eaten healthy food. I have discomfort but no pain. I feel like I can manage my childrens' behavior more patiently and consistently. For this moment, at least. God's grace for today. I'm thankful for it. I'm going to make good use of it.

After the drive-through incident my husband came home. He always makes things better. We went and got our Christmas tree in the afternoon. Aside from a little crying breakdown in the car when I was ravished and could not find food (Yes, this is a true story. I was irrationally crying because I was hungry. I knew it was irrational, I kept telling myself that and still, I could not stop crying.)... we had a great time. We always go with my parents and my grandma comes along. We found our tree quickly. Not the most stunning tree we've ever had but I still love it. We took some beautiful photos. We went to dinner and came home to a clean house courtesy of Pam the house cleaner who our families have so generously helped to pay for during this time. We decorated while the Polar Express played in the background. It was good.

The sun is shining into my Christmas house today. When I'm done here I'm going to finish my coffee, school my children, direct a thorough bedroom cleaning and then perhaps relax with some knitting and crafts for the rest of the day.

Hunting

Loving (after some sister strangling..)

Smiling

Great-grandma-ing

Topping

Honoring

Enjoying

Creating

Shining

Brightening

Bah.

I feel crummy. Most of the time. All day long. CRUMMY! Miserable. Uncomfortable. Grumpy. And I am a ball full of tightly wound hormone-induced emotions that unravels at the most unbecoming times. You think I'm kidding. Over-exaggerating? I'm not. I have very little patience or grace for anyone in my life. Mostly, family members. Except for my husband who, oddly enough, I have grown more in love with over the past months. Maybe because I am so deeply dependent on him right now and because he has been a ROCK. A rock, I tell ya. And then, I am so frustrated and ashamed by my responses toward people that I become irrationally upset about them. It's a bad, bad cycle. I've decided that perhaps the safest method of dealing with all of this might just be to stay away from everyone for the next 10 weeks. (Which is the count-down to my probable c-section.. many hurrahs!) With Christmas and gatherings fast approaching, though, this might be near impossible. I wonder if they would believe Justin if he told them I flew to Mexico?.. Hmm....

And baby names.. Don't even get me started on baby names. I've come to the conclusion that perhaps the only reason I was ever able to fully commit to the prior 3 was because I was not pregnant while trying to decide. I think we've fully committed to three already. Announced one. And now I'm not so sure again.

So that's how I'm doing. In case you were wondering. Did I mention that pregnancy also seems to have affected my filter? Way more honest than I probably should be. Most of the time.

Fortunately, through everything, I have not lost my ability to be thankful for things. Namely, my children. And the anticipation of getting to meet a new one soon. They are just about the purest bright spots of my day. They make me laugh and smile. (and cry) So I thought I would share the thing that gave me the biggest smile and chuckle this past week. Adia Moon and the Papa went for their first day of skiing. I'm not allowed to go up to the mountain this year so Justin has to take each child separately. So far, Adia is our most courageous skier, directing Papa to "please let go" of her so she can ski whole runs by herself. Her papa couldn't be more proud or excited. Gotta love that girl's chutzpah. Most of the time...

Adia Moon (4 yrs old)

This one made me laugh the most for some reason.
I think because of the way she just stares at him when he says "French fries, not pizza."