Bah.

I feel crummy. Most of the time. All day long. CRUMMY! Miserable. Uncomfortable. Grumpy. And I am a ball full of tightly wound hormone-induced emotions that unravels at the most unbecoming times. You think I'm kidding. Over-exaggerating? I'm not. I have very little patience or grace for anyone in my life. Mostly, family members. Except for my husband who, oddly enough, I have grown more in love with over the past months. Maybe because I am so deeply dependent on him right now and because he has been a ROCK. A rock, I tell ya. And then, I am so frustrated and ashamed by my responses toward people that I become irrationally upset about them. It's a bad, bad cycle. I've decided that perhaps the safest method of dealing with all of this might just be to stay away from everyone for the next 10 weeks. (Which is the count-down to my probable c-section.. many hurrahs!) With Christmas and gatherings fast approaching, though, this might be near impossible. I wonder if they would believe Justin if he told them I flew to Mexico?.. Hmm....

And baby names.. Don't even get me started on baby names. I've come to the conclusion that perhaps the only reason I was ever able to fully commit to the prior 3 was because I was not pregnant while trying to decide. I think we've fully committed to three already. Announced one. And now I'm not so sure again.

So that's how I'm doing. In case you were wondering. Did I mention that pregnancy also seems to have affected my filter? Way more honest than I probably should be. Most of the time.

Fortunately, through everything, I have not lost my ability to be thankful for things. Namely, my children. And the anticipation of getting to meet a new one soon. They are just about the purest bright spots of my day. They make me laugh and smile. (and cry) So I thought I would share the thing that gave me the biggest smile and chuckle this past week. Adia Moon and the Papa went for their first day of skiing. I'm not allowed to go up to the mountain this year so Justin has to take each child separately. So far, Adia is our most courageous skier, directing Papa to "please let go" of her so she can ski whole runs by herself. Her papa couldn't be more proud or excited. Gotta love that girl's chutzpah. Most of the time...

Adia Moon (4 yrs old)

This one made me laugh the most for some reason.
I think because of the way she just stares at him when he says "French fries, not pizza."

Firsts

First sled-worthy snow...

Adia (3)

First time on a sled....

Steele (5), Xochi (17 mo)

First trip to the mountain...

Uncle Gabe (11)

First run....

First time by herself...

This girl is so determined. While this video reveals a few tears,
Justin shared with me that she kept falling and getting up, falling and getting up.

First time on skis!!

She loved it and laughed and laughed up the lift.

Steele was having a rough ski day - we'll get pictures of him next time.

First haircut....

Olea is my new favorite person.
She came to our house, gave us all great haircuts,
and doesn't charge near enough.

This isn't the most stunning picture of Xochi -
but check out how much hair that girl has!

My apologies for these posts-only-a-grandma-would-love... but I love going back and looking at how they've changed over the years.

They Say It's My Birthday...

So let's not beat around the bush here. I'll just get right to the point.

I have come to dislike birthdays.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love celebrating people. I love enjoying my family and doing fun things. I love getting phone calls and cards with birthday greetings. This year, I'm especially loving all the birthday wishes I'm getting on facebook! And, if you've been around here for any amount of time, you know I love presents. Giving presents... getting presents. Gift giving is totally one of my love languages. I like giving people thoughtful gifts. I love getting presents that I know people have put thought into and knew I would enjoy. They don't have to be big, just a little something. All those parts of birthdays are fine and dandy. But there's this one little part that I detest. One little part that cannot seem to be escaped, no matter how much I try.

It's that part where you... get older.

I never thought I would be this type of person. I got a few grey hairs pretty young and always said I would never dye my hair. I thought grey hair looked pretty. "The Bible calls it wisdom!" When my mom would comment on getting a few wrinkles I would say, "Mom! You're beautiful! You don't look old!"

But then, it started happening to me. More grey hair - too many to keep pulling out. Mysterious lines on my face that take hours to pop back out in the morning. Thickness in my waist that never used to be there before - the red shirt dress that I wear every Christmas annoyingly bunching at the buttons. Weird spots and marks and lines and hairs and pimples in places they weren't before and in places I'm pretty sure I don't want them to be. And all of sudden, I can understand why words like dye and botox and anti-wrinkle-whatever begin to drift through peoples' thinking.

Also - I don't know what I thought 34 would be like. I guess I really thought I would be way more mature than I am now. I didn't think I would still be struggling with the same lame thoughts and attitudes that I do... sometimes on a daily basis. The reality, though, is that most of the time I still feel like I'm 21. A 21 year old brain in a 34 year old body.

And if all that stuff weren't bad enough, I find myself thinking about death and dying and life and sickness way more than I probably should. Being an adult has made me more anxious than I ever thought I would be and more than I know is right. The fact that I'm getting older also means the people around me are getting older. My mom, my grandma, my children. I take heed when people tell me to enjoy my kids because it goes so fast. I intentionally savor my moments with people and yet it still all goes whizzing by. Week after week, day after day... until Steele is skiing down the mountain by himself, until the chubby, little toddler legs Adia had last summer have disappeared, until all of a sudden Xochi is noticing and grumbling when I take something away from her, until I find myself making certain note of how my grandma cuts the Polish cookies at Christmas - the ones we've been baking together for years. So I can remember. And it keeps going. And I don't like it.

So, what do I do?

Well, I live in denial most of the time. It's true. If you understand even an inch of what I've been talking about, you probably also understand that most times, you just have to put it out of your mind - or else you'll be consumed by it.

I also try not to let my fears pollute my enjoyment of my moments. Which once again, brings me back to the denial part. I put it out of my mind.

I do fun things. I try to live spontaneously and wait for God's next adventure. Sometimes this means my laundry turns into Mt. Everest and my house isn't as tidy as it should be. Most of the time it means that actually. Actually, this could also be laziness. See the maturity at 34 part above.

And probably most importantly, I pray. I pray that God would build more and more grace and wisdom in me with each passing year, despite my anxiety. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.

I pray and confess who God is and that I know what He says is true: that this life is only a vapor and that my true hope is in the reality of heaven. That the things I cling to so dearly in this life will pale in comparison to the joy of eternity.

I pray and thank Him for the joys that He has given and the ones I know He will continue to give, even alongside the hard parts of life. He is merciful to give sweet moments.

Lord, would you impress these things on my mind and heart and remind me of your truth every day, in every joy, in every trial and temptation, in every moment?

So that's it. Those are the thoughts I'm having today. I wanted to get them all out. Chew on them. Organize them. We don't have any set plans yet - I've been rolling around a few ideas but haven't decided on anything. I want a little time with my family, maybe a little time by myself or with a friend. We'll see. Right now, I'm pretty impressed with the box of gluten free cake mix Justin just pulled out. Cake sounds like a good start to a great birthday.

And to help me hold on to some moments: my first attempt at iMovie that I thought I'd share with you.

I cannot get this video to work for some reason. Here's the link

Jobes Family Ski Day

First Day

Much to the delight of my husband, Baker opened last Thursday with one of the best (and earliest) opening weekends they've ever had. We really wanted to go on opening day - the weather was beautiful and sunny - but we had a prior commitment so we got up on Friday instead.

It was so fun to get out everyone's gear the night before, a flurry of preparation. Searching for hats, gloves, long underwear that fits and of course, the dreaded balaclava which was needed for the predicted storm on Friday. We made our way out into the pelting rain a little later than anticipated, made our usual stop for a bathroom break and a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips and by the time I woke up - there was snow. Magical, wonderful, glorious white snow - covering the trees and the road, the plows having made walls of it on either side of our car. Every year I tell Justin that I want to move someplace where there is snow all the time in the winter. I've even searched for fire positions in Vail and Utah. Someplace closer to home and to grandparents - perhaps Cle Elum or Leavenworth - would be better. We've considered it... maybe someday.

Steele had been talking about going skiing all week and he and Justin had decided that Steele would take the first turn. I guess when we arrived though, lunch sounded more appealing to Steele than skiing (not unusual for this growing boy lately) so Adia went first. That girl could not get out of the lodge fast enough - she was waving and saying, "Goodbye Steele! Goodbye! I'm goin' skiin' now! Goodbye! Goodbye!" It was pretty cute and by the time Justin and Adia had made their first run, Steele was calling Justin on the phone to ask when he was going to be picked up. Justin had made a comment to me that he was a little worried that he was the only one truly excited about skiiing and that maybe the kids don't really like it - after seeing how thrilled the kids were to be up there, I don't think there's any need for concern about that.

Xochi and I stayed snug and warm in the lodge all day. Snacking, reading, knitting - chatting with a first time mama next to us. She and her husband were taking turns snowboarding while their 4 month old son slept on the table. They have a cabin near the mountain so I hope to see them more this season.

People often ask me if I ski. I don't. Well, I cross country ski a bit. Inevitably the next statement is always, "You should learn!" It's not that I don't want to, but quite honestly I don't feel the need to right now. I am perfectly content, even overjoyed, to stay at my post handing out sandwiches, pulling on snow pants, pushing on boots, warming up hands, giving excited cheers and high fives at departures and arrivals. It works for us and we all have fun. As long as there's a baby to care for, you'll find me in the lodge. Between you and me, I hope I'm in the lodge for many more years to come.

Evidently I'm not very skilled at taking pictures while I'm sitting in the lodge.

These are all I have. Oh well, there are more days to come!

August Already?

When Justin and I got married his mom told me that when Justin was young and still living in her home, he would talk non-stop to her about skiing from the moment the first ski magazine arrived in August until opening day in November. Things haven't changed a whole lot since then - sure, it's a different house, a different woman standing in the kitchen, it's not quite so 'non-stop'... but it is August.... and it has already begun. We do already know the price of and the exact day (hour) Justin can purchase his season pass. He told me the other day. He'll tell you too if you ask him.

The other major difference? Well, now he has cohorts. Now he's gotten his children in on the fanatics of it all. It's blatant brainwashing if you ask me. It's a conspiracy to force me to sit in the lodge all day long to knit, read good books, browse home decorating magazines, drink warm beverages and take pictures of chubby-cheeked cuties bundled into miniature ski gear. I guess I'll go along with it... if I have to.

Here's a glimpse of last season. Adia's already been asking about 'going fast' this year.

Race Day

I'm finally getting around to catching up on some of the posts I wanted to write while I was waiting for my AC adapter. By the way, I should share here how much I've been enjoying blogging lately. I am totally not the scrapbooking type (nothing against the scrapbooking type), nor do I journal or keep baby books - so this has been a great way for me to chronicle our day to day life. I'm totally thinking about putting it into book form as I've seen other bloggers do. I think it's such a great idea and a really convenient way for me to get all my pictures off my computer and onto paper.

Anyhow, moving on...

I have gone up to the mountain with Justin on race day for 4 years now. I think he has been in the race a total of 5 or 6 times but did other legs of it. This year we got up at 4:30 in the morning, I made some quick breakfast burritos and got dressed. Justin poured us up some big old travel mugs full of coffee and then we got the kids up, left them in their pajamas and headed up to the mountain. The kids slept part of the way up so they were a little more rested by the time the race started at 8:30.

This year we had a beautiful race day - sunny and clear. Aside from the very first ski year, we generally get rainy and cloudy. Last year my little brother came up with us to help with the kids but it was so rainy and miserable that we had to stay in the lodge the whole time. This year I actually had to start un-layering the kids it was getting so warm.

The Ski to Sea race includes 7 different legs performed by 8 team members. The race starts at Mt. Baker with a cross country ski leg. The CC skier then passes off to the downhill skier who climbs a thousand foot vertical ridge for about 25 minutes and skis down for a grand total of 5 minutes. The skier then hands off to the runner who runs down the mountain. He/she passes off to a road biker who passes off to two canoers (canoists?). They then pass off to a mountain biker who passes off to a kayaker who finally ends the race in Bellingham Bay. It's great fun and a huge Whatcom County tradition - 400 teams race (Justin's team came in 37th this year!). The teams are put together into different divisions and all different sorts of people participate - men, women, professional, recreational, young and old alike. The event includes a kiddies parade, a grand parade, a junior race, the main race and ends with a festival with food, crafts etc. in south Bellingham. If you don't know Bellingham - it is the home of Western Washington University and home to a lot of outdoorsy hippie types. While I don't always fit in perfectly with either of those crowds - the combination usually makes for a lot of fun events and activities to participate in throughout the year. It's such a great area to live in. Beautiful and green most of the time and close to the water and mountains as well as Seattle and Vancouver when you need a little city fix. I love it.

This year was no exception to fun. Justin and I always jokingly chat about how many kids we'll have to have before it gets too difficult for me (I get to manage everyone while Justin is racing)... I hope we never end the tradition. In fact, maybe one day we'll have our own team!

Cookie Monster was in the lodge giving away
Baker's Breakfast Cookies.
(which I happily eat every morning with my coffee)


The fam.
Adia's face evidence of the 5 am wake-up.


The smooth ridge going up to the right is the ridge the skiers climb. If you click on the picture you can see the single file track going up and right.


Justin and the cross country skier right after Justin's race.


The poster!


You can get an idea of the number of racers.
400 cross country skiers, 400 downhillers, 400 runners + spectators and officials all at the mountain at once.


The only semi down side to the race... waiting until 11 for them to open the road down from the mountain. We left at 5 am - got home at 1 pm. Fortunately, both my kids are good car nappers.
(can you spot our van?)

Just a Couple 'a Ski Bums