Letters From Cutzi

The other day my bloggy/IRL friend Linda linked to a cute, amusing post titled "Letters From Mom." It got her thinking... and it got me thinking.

Here's what I'm thinking today:

Dear God,

Uhh... I don't really know how to ask you this but I just want to be honest with you. I mean, really, you already know what I'm thinking anyway. It's that whole omniscient, omnipresent thing you've got going on. But here's the thing I've been wondering about - are you sure about all this leaving-humans-on-earth-just-so-they-can-die thing? Cause I don't really get it. I get that things are bound to be pretty miserable because of sin - both our own and original. But I'm just not feelin' it. Wouldn't it have been better to just take everyone up there with you and leave out all of this in between stuff? Sickness, death, pain, hurt, confusion, getting old, relationships - a lot of it is really hard. I mean, don't get me wrong. I know that you are sovereign. I know that you are good. I know you must have a reason. But I don't think I can handle it all. I definitely don't feel strong enough and I honestly wonder what the purpose of all of it is if we're just going to die in the end anyway. I know this won't shock you. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has asked this question over the centuries. I'm sure I'm not the only one out of the millions and millions of people that have lived and died here on this earth. Which could lead me into a whole other topic... but maybe we'll leave that for another day.

Anyhow, I'm just asking because it's kind of got me in a tizzy. You know - anxiety attacks, fear, a little depression, crying. I don't want to go to bed every night with sighs of thankfulness that I made it through another day of this gauntlet we call life - and wondering if I'll make through the next day. There are just too many things that could get me - car accidents, cancer, a bleed in my brain, natural disaster, a murderer. I won't even start into my thoughts about all the stuff that could happen to my children. It's stressing me out.

I guess I'm writing because I don't really know what I should do about it. From my health, to parenting, to emotions, to finances, to exercise, to trying to figure out what I should or shouldn't eat, to trying to figure out how to prevent disease in my children, to wondering if I should even worry about this stuff at all since we're just going to die anyway, etc. etc..... it's too exhausting. Maybe you could just give me some clarity in one or two areas so I can have some more energy to deal with the others ones? That would be awesome.

Thanks for hearing me out on this one - you always do,
Cutzi

Pure Awesome-ness

This is the most awesome bed EVER!

I will have one some day.

In fact, I may get Justin to build me one so I can upholster it in grey tufted linen.


Or peacock blue velvet....


Or marigold yellow velvet....





And it will be awesome. (did I say that already?)

And I will laze away the afternoons in it - reading or knitting or sleeping.


Ok, so maybe that part won't happen. But it will still be awesome.

Menu Plan

For you, but mostly so I can remember because I invariably lose my list.


Today: Gluten-free pizza using Bob's Red Mill Pizza Crust Mix

Friday: Mussels and artichokes

Saturday: Baked chicken taquitos

Sunday: Justin's working, leftovers

Monday: Justin's working, chicken nuggets? (All white meat, of course)

Tuesday: Thai Coconut Chicken Soup from Feeding the Whole Family

Wednesday: Grandma Pasinski's Cabbage Rolls, mashed potatoes

Thursday: Asian Turkey Lettuce Wraps

Friday: Falafel Pitas (similar to these) with Greek toppings

Saturday: Ski to Sea team guests are staying with us that night. Tostadas are always a hit.

Sunday: Race Day Barbecue

Monday: Gluten Free mac and cheese using Martha's recipe, subbing with gf noodles

Tuesday: Justin's working, leftovers

Wednesday: Baked Potato Bar

Mother's Day

a.k.a. The "Simple" Photo Post that Took Forever

Dahlia Brooches

Handmade by me via Holidash

Lunch in LaConner
with the fam


Left to right:
Aunt Terri, Uncle Eugene, my mama Leslie
My grandma Nadene (also known as Mimi)

Arggghhh!!! This was supposed to be a simple little photo post
But every time I try and upload my horizontal pictures, even though I've rotated them,
they upload sideways. Any thoughts?

Haggen to Haggen

It's done. My first 5k.

It didn't go exactly as planned. Justin was working and at the last minute, I didn't have anyone to watch the kids. I hmm'd and haa'd about taking the kids with me and finally, around midnight the night before, I decided to go for it.

I gathered everyone's clothes together by 12:15 a.m., chatted with my mom on facebook for a moment and went to bed. And then, divine intervention:

5:35 a.m. - I wake up 10 minutes before my alarm goes off

5:45 a.m. - I hear Steele getting out of bed and go in to help him get down off the top bunk

5:46 a.m. - I look and see that Adia is also awake..curious, since she doesn't usually get up until 8

6:15 a.m. - I go in to get Xochi up and dressed and she is sitting up in her crib... also curious

6:30 a.m. - We are all leaving the house dressed and cheerful - not one thing forgotten

7:15 a.m. - After stopping at McDonald's, the grocery store and Starbucks we arrive at the race site

Miraculous.

As I pulled up to park, saw everyone lining up to check in and met my friends that I was supposed to run with - I felt so disappointed. I've been training for 9 weeks! Following each week's schedule of my Couch to 5k program meticulously. Pushing myself. Willing myself to do that which, for me, does not come naturally. This past Monday - my shins hurt so badly that I had to stop running after 2 miles. I e-mailed my bloggy-friend Suzy and she said to rest for the week and ice my shins as much as possible. I did that. I iced every day, sometimes twice a day... even though it's so boring and feels so useless. But I did it. All that and then - I couldn't run?? Hurumph. I confess I was grumbling, frustrated and even a little angry.

And so - I climbed out of the car yesterday morning, loaded Xochi onto my back in the Becco and got Steele and Adia settled into the stroller. I checked in... whined to the man about how I had trained and couldn't run. Whined to Mike and Amy about how they would probably pass me as they were running even though they would start half and hour after me. Amy encouraged me that I shouldn't feel bad about it when they did. Then I whined to everyone I saw that I knew about the fact that I had trained and couldn't run. Whined, whined, whined - all the way up to the starting line to walk.

And we started.

I began at a nice pace, chatting with my friend. The sun was shining - it was a gorgeous day. About 10 minutes into it I looked up - there was a break in the crowd. I thought about my conversation with Mike and Amy and all of a sudden I thought to myself, "I trained to run this thing. I don't know if it's "mathematically possible" or not to finish before Mike and Amy but doggone-it, I'm going to do everything in my power to try."

I quickly told my friend that I was going to see how fast I could walk, waved goodbye and picked up my pace. Another break in the crowd, I picked up my pace a little more until - before I knew it - I was running! And I just kept on running! Slowly, but still running. People were cheering me on and waving at the kids as I ran by. I slowed down a few times, only to pick up my running pace again. Xochi was holding onto my shirt like a monkey and burying her head into my back - smiling at everyone we ran past. At mile two, Steele asked if he could get out and run with me. I quickly stopped and let him out, started running again and pulled Adia out and into the front seat without stopping. I had to pause briefly again to take Xochi off my back and into the back seat - all the while Steele was ahead of me yelling, "Come on, Mama!! Come on!! We're gonna win! We're gonna beat 'em!!"

And we did.

We crossed the finish line almost a full minute before the first runner came through:

44 minutes 9 seconds


We were so excited!! I felt ashamed that I had whined so much. Especially when I saw this picture taken by my friend Nancy.

If I had been able to run I wouldn't have had this picture.
I wouldn't have been able to look at it over and over again.
I wouldn't have been able to think to myself each time I look at it

Wow. Those are my kids. I am really a mom. That is so cool.