In Response to Your Comments.... and a Verse.

First, I want to thank all of you for your nice and not-so-nice comments on my funki-ness the other day. Especially my mom's. Hers was, by far, the best... and the funniest.... and the most creative.

I've been thinking a lot about everything over the last few days. Today at Bible Study Fellowship I was reminded once again of the importance of humility. Humility in my approach toward people and humility in my response toward people. Now, I know that when I put myself out there and reveal my true thoughts to people - especially on something like a blog - I open myself up to a myriad of responses. Some will be humble and understanding in their responses, and some may not be. And I do, to some degree, understand that. Because I also realize that while the things I write about are a real part of me - this blog is only a very small glimpse of my life and who I am as a person. Many of you know me in real life and read my thoughts against the backdrop of who you know me to be, but many of you do not. So you only know what you read. And far be it from me to not offer grace to those of you who may make a judgment about me based on these brief sentences about my life - I am, after all, the one who put them here for you to read.

Our teaching leader made an interesting point today during lecture. She said, "When somebody points something out that we wish weren't true, but it is, we fight back." And oh believe me, I thought of a good many things to fight back with over the last few days and chose not to. But, in the end, God calls me to be humble and to examine my own heart first. Parts of what I wrote in my last post I do wish weren't true, and I mentioned that to some degree. The fact that I wish it weren't true is probably part of what prompted me to write it all out. I will be the first to admit that I was complaining and focusing, for that moment, on all the things I wanted to be different in my life. I recognize that I, like every single one of us, is a depraved and sinful human being. I do not always have the right attitude nor do I always have a proper, Godly perspective on things. Sometimes I am tired and unmotivated. Very often I am critical of other people and do not offer them the grace I expect them to offer me. So, after thorough examination, I have concluded once again that: I am sinful. And so is everyone around me which makes my own sinfulness even more of a challenge.

So what now? Well, a friend of mine sent me an e-mail today. She and I were discussion leaders together several years ago in BSF. She mentioned that as she was reading her Bible today she came across a verse that had my name by it. Even though I don't remember the context of it's importance to me, she said that I had shared how it spoke to me at that time. She e-mailed it to me today hoping it might encourage me in some way. Admittedly, I read it over and over again trying to pull something out of it. I wondered if God might reveal some profound mystery to me through it. But He didn't. Not really. Except that I remember that "all scripture is useful" and "God-breathed" so I can always apply it to some aspect of my life. But as I read it more and more, and in different translations, one truth seemed to slowly appear before me. Kind of like those pictures you have to stare at for a long time before you see the word or the picture... remember those ones?

Anyway, here's the verse: 2 Chronicles 20:12 O our God, will You not judge them? For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You.

You see,of all the 'commenters' out there, God is the greatest commenter on my life. And with Him, the author of the message is abundantly relevant. He says that I am His, that He has reached down into the miry pit and rescued me, that I am sinful and forgiven, that I am redeemed - bought with a price as a valued possession, that I am saved, that He sees and He cares, that everything I have was given me from His hand, that because of the joy set before Him (me?) He endured the cross, that because I am His bride He is preparing a place for me, that as I obey Him He will bless me..... His comments are made with the fullest understanding of who I am and what He has given me.

And so, many times I do not know what to do, but my eyes are on Him.

(ok... and sometimes on me, but then right back to Him)