I'm really tired of owning my business.
For some reason, I sometimes want to just puke everything I'm feeling out on this blog. A lot of times I hold back but today I needed to say it. Well, I guess I didn't need to... but I wanted to.
And can I just tell you that I love, love, love being a mama and a home maker? I pretty much enjoy all that that entails - even the parts that can be mundane sometimes. Like laundry? I really don't mind laundry. I'm not always good at it but I really don't mind it. And cooking? Love it. Love cooking. Changing poopy underwear? Doesn't bother me either. And you all know how I feel about ironing. Do I get physically tired sometimes while doing these things? Yes, of course. I could go non-stop. But still, I love it because I know it's exactly the right thing to be doing. And besides that, I just love it. Did I say how much I love it? I love taking care of my chickens, canning jam and pickles, sewing clothes for Adia, knitting hats for nieces and nephews, having the kitchen clean when Justin gets home, having creative energy to decorate my house. Love it! I guess if I'm being honest I should probably tell you that I really don't love scrubbing the bathtub or shower. But I could learn to love it. Just like I've learned to love cleaning up the kitchen. More for the end result than the process.
But you know what I don't like? The stress of feeling like my business is jamming up time that could be spent loving my home and my family. I don't like that one bit.
I'll be the first to admit that when I bought this business I was naive to think that the more successful we got, the less work there would be for me to do. If you're buying a business - know this: It's not true! The bigger you get, the more you have to manage. More classes, more class managers, more money, more accounts, more paperwork, more employees... more problems with employees. Like today, for example. One of my instructors quit. Um yah, thanks for that one. GREAT timing. Let me tell ya. We just won't worry about Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. And before anyone starts in on me - I know, I know. I'm the owner. That's my job. That's what I get for owning my owning business. I know all that. And that's exactly the problem.
When I bought this business Steele was 3 months old. I had two other instructors, 12 classes a week. Easy shmeasy. But now? Two toddlers who want and need my attention (and who I desire to give my attention to), 6 other instructors (oh wait, five other instructors), 21 classes/week. It's out of control people!!!
My childrens' drawers are screaming to be organized and sought through, my weekly dinner menus are pleading to be planned, the junk in my basement is begging to be garage-saled or consigned - and who knows, my eggs may be silently arguing their case for some stress-free time to get fertilized. I really don't know. I'm only guessing.
The sad part is that I really do love teaching - I've just forgotten how much I love it amidst the craziness of owning it.
So if you're the praying type, could you maybe pray for me regarding all this?
I kinda, sorta, really need a miracle. And some clarity. Wisdom would be good. And while I'm asking.... if a 6 am instructor could just show up on my doorstep, I would really appreciate it.
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8 comments:
I'll pray Cutzi!
What does Justin think you should do?
Bless you. I seriously, seriously, seriously don't know how you do it. I usually love all that comes with mothering and homemaking, but at times it feels like my to do list is neverending. I can't imagine trying to incorporate working outside the home into my routine. I will pray for a miracle teacher to show up...like tomorrow. :)
I love all that you say about homemaking. I too enjoy it and don't enjoy my showers and toilet. But I love being able to be available to do it whenever I want.
I hope that someone does show up, but if they don't, that the Lord will give you strength beyond what you imagine and a joy that passes all understanding.
Thank you guys so much for your prayers and encouragement. God is good, isn't He? My pastor's wife called tonight and we had a long talk. What joy to be in the body of Christ.
So... Justin agrees. It's time. It's hard to figure out the "whens" and the "hows" of it all though. I'm setting my mind on the Lord and asking Him to show me. A pair of blinders would be good too as it's often hard to stay focused. There are quite a few people and things (not to mention, dollars) to consider that I'm prone to allow to distract me. I do appreciate your prayers - even though sometimes it seems so petty. After all, I think to myself, it is "just Jazzercise." But then again, it's not. It's a lot that Justin and I have built and invested in. Not so easy to thinking about letting it go sometimes.
Kate - I forgot to say... I love what you said about being able to do it whenever you want. This is totally me!! I'm not very scheduled or regimented - and I love that homemaking allows me to be me in this aspect. All the work doesn't seem like such a burden then. And I don't know how many times I've thought to myself... "Well, if I don't get it done today, there's always tomorrow." I love that for some reason!
Glad to read this update, Cutzi. And I loved your post about how much you love being a mama and a homemaker! :) Me too! I don't know much about owning a business (okay, I know nothing)- but I have often wondered how you do it! I can completely understand wanting to be done with it so that you can focus on doing the things you love and that are *most* important to you and Justin. And- don't you love it that your man agrees?
~Stacy
I so hear you. I think blinders are so needed when it comes to making a huge choice like this. I pray for clarity and wisdom, and God's peace with whatever conclusion you come too.
I have been struggling with this same issue for a long long time.
PS Your word verification was "monsta" - skeeery!
Cutzi, bless your heart and soul! Things always find a way of working themselves out (with a little... OK a whole lotta faith)!
I have been in the struggles of needing to work and balancing it with home. I have the opportunity to move into a full time J*O*B but took a long hard look at life. The $$ and benefits would be really great BUT what it all boiled down to was my family. They need me more than I "need" the money, because I know in my heart that things will work out. It gives me great joy to be in a job with flexible hours, so that I CAN be at the school events, field trips, and be with the kids when they need me.
I have known you long enough to know that you will do what is right for you AND your family! Continual prayers of strength, knowledge, and happiness!
BIG BIG HUGS!!
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