10 Things

Bump ~20 weeks

I was talking with a friend the other day and she challenged me to write down 10 things every day that I am thankful for. I don't know that I'll do it every day but it is definitely a good exercise for me during this time. Because folks, I am not a happy pregnant lady. I don't know if it's my endometriosis, all of the complications I've had or just that I am super sensitive to the changes that are taking place in my body - but I feel like I could lay in bed all day long. I feel uncomfortable all of the time - my stomach is so tight feeling, my bowels so... who knows what.. wrong feeling, and tons of pressure in my lower abdomen. I already walk like I'm 8 or 9 months pregnant because seriously - it hurts to walk! Some days I really wonder how I am going to make it through 20 more weeks. Just a guess here - but I'm thinking things are only going to get tighter and more uncomfortable. Just a guess.

Lately, this question has come up again in my life.

You must have really wanted to be pregnant?

And the honest answer to that?

Well, actually, no I didn't "really" want to be pregnant. I wanted more children. I wanted to be obedient to the Lord no matter what and I truly believe this is what He put in front of us. That's what I "really" wanted.

But I don't say that. Because that would be snotty. And I realize this is a sensitive topic. I realize there are people out there who would say to me, "Well, you should just be happy you're even able to get pregnant. Quit complaining." And I really don't have anything to say people who might say that because, well, they're where they're at and I'm where I'm at. And actually, I've been where they're at too - for 10 years - but that's ok. What I will say is that these things are not mutually exclusive. I am beyond thrilled to have another baby! (whose name may or may not start with "T" now) I am not thrilled to be feeling so miserable. I didn't expect to feel so miserable. I was hoping I would be one of those people who love being pregnant. But I'm not.

Add on top of that a trip to the hospital over the weekend from 11 - 2 a.m., bad sickness, a terrible cough that gives me shooting pains and makes me pee my pants and having to take antibiotics because women with previa and bleeding need to keep coughing to a minimum and well... things have been a tad stressful.

Which brings me back around to the 10 things. Here they are:

I am thankful for

1. My husband. I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing he is and all that he does for our family. In fact, I probably don't even fully understand myself what this is for him. All I know is that I wanted to punch our very nice and knowledgeable doctor in the face when she told me I should leave toys on the floor for my husband to pick up when he gets home and then gave Justin this sort of knowing, you-hear-that? kind of look. If she only knew! (You'll be happy to know I did not punch her in the face.)

2. My three beautiful children and how they love me and make me smile every day.

3. The ways that we are growing and maturing through all of this, even when it seems slow going.

4. That the Lord does not leave us alone. He is sovereign. He planned this. What would I do without that knowledge?

5. Friends who bring food, play with my kids and visit with me.

6. Being able to get out of the house at least every once in a while.

7. The BOY that is growing inside me and the anticipation of who he will be.

8. Friends who I know are FAITHFULLY praying for me, let me be honest with them and yet still somehow speak gracious, loving truth to me.

9. The resources to hire someone to clean our house and help care for our children.

10. Good news at our doctor's appointment this week - that my placenta has actually, miraculously moved up a little bit! (I had several providers tell me that with complete previa this was highly unlikely) Along with this, that my placenta looks thick, healthy and strong. (also a concern with complete previa) And that baby boy looks perfect so far. Hooray!

Now to adjust my brain to the fact that I might have to prepare simultaneously for either a scheduled c-section or a vaginal delivery - if the placenta continues to move up... because honestly, I was at peace with just knowing that a c-section was the way I'd have to go. This new news has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I'm getting used to the loops.... (which really, you'd think I'd have learned that after three adoptions which are full of nothing but loops)