I like using unrelated photos on my blog postsAt least in my head. I whine a lot in my head. And now, I might whine a little bit here.
I feel especially weepy this morning. It's such a terrible feeling. Hormonal emotions are not new to me. I've had my share of hormonal struggles over the years. But usually, they come for a couple of days and then they leave. Through experience, I've learned to deal with it and now the good days far outweigh the bad. I like it that way. Generally, during those one or two days every couple of months, I can logic away any irrational feelings but it doesn't seem to be working lately. Things that might normally bother me just a little bit are lingering in my mind. Some are big, some are small. The problem with these type of feelings it that they usually stem from something that is a reality but the medications I'm on blow them way, way out of proportion.
For example, this morning the topics I can't seem to stop thinking about are:
The fat on the back of my arms
Gaining weight
My lack of clothing for my larger, curvier self
The fact that my hair has not been cute for months
The clutter on my desk
I don't have any good boy names
My back still hurts
Remembering when I was young and my feet were soft
I have not knit in a very long time
These are just the small things that I'll probably momentarily stop thinking about once I start making breakfast for the kids.
But then there's:
If I have twins I will not be able to take the kids to the park for a picnic by myself like I did yesterday
If I have twins I'm going to get really humongous
Last night as I was walking to bed in the dark I thought, "If I have twins I won't get to sleep again for a very long time."
That darn IRS and their adoption credit reviews
I don't even have one good boy name, what if I...
And then just like that, mid-sentence - a divine intervention to my whine session. Xochi wakes up. I go into her room to get her and with two little elbows on a crib railing, a little brown chin resting on two chubby hands, a smile and a "Hi Mama!" - all seems better in my world.
Thanks for listening. Stay tuned for my next overly dramatic, hormone-induced blog post.
10 comments:
Hormones are ridiculously powerful. You are wonderful just the way your are. :) And, yes, kids can lighten any dark cloud just "like that". Take care!
I think I can seriously relate to everyone of those fears. It's so true that normally you could let them roll off and continue with your day but those extra hormones kick some serious butt. I'm beyond grateful for them every moment of my life though! ;)
Ps, let's find something baby to knit together!
I slept just as much as most of my friends with singletons when I had twins. It wasn't much, but to be honest, it wasn't much less than they got. Mostly because I had a great husband and partner, which you also have. Fear not. Twins isn't actually twice the work and 1/2 the sleep. My babies had this amazing way of learning how to take turns, even when they were little tiny newborns.
And yes, I was HUUUUUGE. (Have you seen my pregnancy pics?) But at the time, all of my fellow twin-pregnancy buddies were giving birth at 29, 30, 31 weeks and I was getting huger and huger with awesomely healthy babies. Mine were the ones that didn't have to spend time in the NICU. They were the ones that breastfed. They were the ones that got to go home with me when I left the hospital. I was the Mama that didn't have to go on mag or any of those other yucky things that keep you from going into early labor. The bigger you get, the more healthy they are when they come out. Totally worth it.
Twins are amazing! I wouldn't trade the twin-baby experience for anything! Ok, now I'm getting emotional. Those hormones must be contagious. ;)
God will never give you more than you can handle. If he gives you twins, then you'll do just fine! Plus, not only do you have an awesome hubby but Steele will be a great big brother! And I'm sure Adia and Xochi will do their best to help out too!
Julie - that's a great idea! I need a little motivation. Any thoughts on a pattern?
Oh Denise... that is just what I needed to hear/read. Some logical thinking! Thank you for your experienced insight. It helped get me off the path of panic I was heading down. ;-)
Cutzi - you are AWESOME.
Hang in there.
Julie
I love this post.
And I think your first list sounds like a pretty "normal" day around here! Right up until the boy names part. And I am thoroughly tickled by your list item: "remembering when I was young and my feet were soft" :)
As for twins, you *would* be humongous and you would probably rarely leave the house for a season and you would likely not sleep much, but then again, all those things are a reality when I've had ONE baby! Bring on the twins... YOU CAN DO IT! :)
And hooray for your Xochi moment. I love how a moment like that can just put it all into perspective and make you realize how GREAT this motherhood gig truly is.
Word on your entire list! Except the knitting, and that's just because I don't know how. But I think most of those things almost daily. Which I think is hilarious. :) I like what your mom said about your aunt being the thinnest after twins because of all the nursing! That is totally going to be you! And doesn't the joy of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing...all outweigh a little weight gain? I think so. :)
Lynn
p.s. Why are boy names sooo hard to think up, anyway???
Oh honey...
Hormones stink. Too bad they're so important, huh?
My favorite of your thoughts? "Remembering when I was young and my feet were soft" ha haaaaaa! When your 5 kids are a little older, you can teach them to use a foot file and you'll be all set :)
Thinking about my Cutz and wishing the best for you.
xoxox,
martz
ps, I was with my friend Amy last night and we were talking about one of your recipes that I can't find on your blog....it's that asian soup with the pork. Remember it?
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