On Tuesday, as we were leaving for storytime at the library I exclaimed to the kids, "I think we might actually be early!"
And Steele replied: What's early mean? Is that a good thing? Are we gonna be on time or late?
So what does that say about me? Wait... maybe don't answer that.
I took a nap on the couch this afternoon. As I awoke from sleeping I didn't want to get up. I just laid there thinking about things. Today is the third day of Justin's set and usually by the third day we're all feeling pretty tired. Today was no different. Well, in some ways it was different. Today I actually thought to myself, "I don't know if I can do this. I don't think I have it in me to get off the couch and cook dinner and manage everyone for the rest of the evening. I don't have it in me."
But I did have it in me. I did eventually get off the couch. I made a decent dinner and my children were enjoyable as they have been for the last several days. But sometimes in the moments between waking and sleeping, everything seems a little jumbled. Today my mind and my heart were racing with fears and worries and concerns. Sadly... horrifyingly... while I was at the beach today enjoying time with my dearest friend and our children, a little girl in our county was killed while crossing the street with her mama and her siblings. She was killed by a 17 year old high school girl. At the same time, a young man from our local university - a freshman who has only been at college for a week - has been missing since early Sunday morning. There is no trace of him. Everyone's lives. Drastically changed.
I've been praying, beseeching the Lord on behalf of all of these families but sometimes my heart doesn't know what to say. How can a mother even begin to heal from these sorts of things? It is not difficult to put yourself in their shoes and wonder how you would feel. Devastated. Hopeless. Beyond healing. And yet, as I hugged Steele and read him stories tonight we talked about heaven, as it seems I often do with this boy. We decided together that heaven is a good place - because we will all get to see each other again. He's also happy that there will be trees. Which made me smile. And that is my hope - my only hope. Terrible, awful things happen on this earth. And wonderful, miraculous things also happen. Side by side. It is beyond my comprehension. But! Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.
5 comments:
Oh Cutzi - my heart too has been thinking on these things all day! I just have to rely on TRUSTING the Creator of the Universe - knowing that HE is in control and will give us HIS peace! We will not understand - but I do KNOW HE is in control! I ask HIM to guard my heart and keep me close to HIM! love you dearly, jane
Yes...I've been so sad today. Sad for Dwight's family and wondering how they are surviving each day that he is NOT found. Sad for that poor mother and the two siblings who witnessed the terrible death of their little loved one. Sad for the 17 year old who caused the accident- life will never be the same. A day that maybe started out hopeful, ends in tragedy.
I can pray and that gives me hope. I pray for all of these people so alone and so full of grief - may our Lord wrap his loving arms around them. And Lord, if it's your will, let me die a peaceful death as an old lady surrounded by my children and grandchildren. Keep them safe and with me until that day that I go home.
Cute pics!
Wow. Your day sure took a turn! That lady on the beach was peaceful without a care in the world she would have stayed there all day had it not been for the other lady's whiny kids... :)
I get it. These thoughts.
I was VERY much encouraged by this post:
http://growingupgodskids.blogspot.com/2010/09/feeling-deprived.html
I had a headache so bad yesterday afternoon that part of my vision was blocked. I too wondered how I was going to finish the tasks on my plate.
We have been talking about death a lot in my family lately as we have been visiting a sweet woman from our church who is in a nursing home praying for God's timing on her death. It has been a really sweet time.
I have been pondering the amazing fact that this life is nothing compared to eternity. It really is short. We need to just forget ourselves and do what He has called us to. Keeping what really matters in our mind and hearts.
I also have been struck with the idea that heaven will not be about me. That finally I will be able to get over myself and it will be all about bringing glory to God. We can't even comprehend that down here. But God's glory will be so consuming and beautiful and amazing that our every... everything will be about that. This gives me comfort. Because the way things are going on earth --with it all about man --does not lead to peace or happiness (i.e. the tragedies you brought up).
I'm done going on and on now.
Love you my dear friend. And I am so, so thankful for the time I got to spend with you and your kids yesterday. The memory makes me smile and sigh with happiness.
Oh, my heart was so heavy yesterday. I held Beckett at bedtime and just weeped on her. I couldn't hug her long enough, strong enough or tight enough. Thank you for this post - it is beautiful and so right. Those naps are hard to get up from...
Cutzi,
You said it just right.
Sometimes the world crashes in and I just look at my family and think, This world isn't good enough for them.
If it weren't for the hope we have in Jesus, I would be completely lost.
Julie
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