Letters From Cutzi

The other day my bloggy/IRL friend Linda linked to a cute, amusing post titled "Letters From Mom." It got her thinking... and it got me thinking.

Here's what I'm thinking today:

Dear God,

Uhh... I don't really know how to ask you this but I just want to be honest with you. I mean, really, you already know what I'm thinking anyway. It's that whole omniscient, omnipresent thing you've got going on. But here's the thing I've been wondering about - are you sure about all this leaving-humans-on-earth-just-so-they-can-die thing? Cause I don't really get it. I get that things are bound to be pretty miserable because of sin - both our own and original. But I'm just not feelin' it. Wouldn't it have been better to just take everyone up there with you and leave out all of this in between stuff? Sickness, death, pain, hurt, confusion, getting old, relationships - a lot of it is really hard. I mean, don't get me wrong. I know that you are sovereign. I know that you are good. I know you must have a reason. But I don't think I can handle it all. I definitely don't feel strong enough and I honestly wonder what the purpose of all of it is if we're just going to die in the end anyway. I know this won't shock you. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has asked this question over the centuries. I'm sure I'm not the only one out of the millions and millions of people that have lived and died here on this earth. Which could lead me into a whole other topic... but maybe we'll leave that for another day.

Anyhow, I'm just asking because it's kind of got me in a tizzy. You know - anxiety attacks, fear, a little depression, crying. I don't want to go to bed every night with sighs of thankfulness that I made it through another day of this gauntlet we call life - and wondering if I'll make through the next day. There are just too many things that could get me - car accidents, cancer, a bleed in my brain, natural disaster, a murderer. I won't even start into my thoughts about all the stuff that could happen to my children. It's stressing me out.

I guess I'm writing because I don't really know what I should do about it. From my health, to parenting, to emotions, to finances, to exercise, to trying to figure out what I should or shouldn't eat, to trying to figure out how to prevent disease in my children, to wondering if I should even worry about this stuff at all since we're just going to die anyway, etc. etc..... it's too exhausting. Maybe you could just give me some clarity in one or two areas so I can have some more energy to deal with the others ones? That would be awesome.

Thanks for hearing me out on this one - you always do,
Cutzi