Him, In Me

It's been a hard week and half. Without getting into every. single. detail - I'll just tell you it started off with three extremely sick children and two pretty sick parents, it included 3 trips to the doctor, 1 trip to the E.R., 2 trips to the pharmacy, no less than 10 different medications on my counter top, 6 required doses of medication to be given each day, red jello-o vomit, dehydration worries, sleepless nights lying awake to make sure Xochi was breathing and more scary-ness than I want to recall... and ended with Adia being bitten by a pet rat at the feed store, 3 new baby chicks, 1 walk-in clinic trip, 1 3-hour long urgent care visit, 3 phone calls to the doctor's office, 2 phone calls to the health department, 1 phone call to the feed store, 1 phone call to the vet's office, one more trip to our doctor's office and 2 Diptheria/Tetanus shots. I guess that actually was a lot of details - but in fast forward.

But you get it - exhausting.

So tonight, around 9:45, as I was bending over picking up Xochi's toys off the kitchen floor, I evaluated my day. I thought about my children and each of their needs. I thought about Steele and how he often needs me to be firm with him, just so he can turn off his brain that goes a million miles a minute and listen to my instruction. I am not kidding you - that boy talks non-stop and when I tell him to stop and listen for a moment and then instruct him, he doesn't miss a beat and launches right back in to where he had left off before I started talking. About tools and work and the rat that bit Adia and the grass plugs he picked up off the neighbor's lawn and how we really need to get some kale for our garden so that mama can make kale chips or how he will be more kind if he can go outside and get some fresh air.... Whew! It's non-stop.

I thought about Adia and how the more firm I am with her, the more inward she goes and the harder her heart turns toward me. She needs relationship and shared activity and responsibility and inclusion. She needs me to cook with her and teach her to clean and show her how to fold laundry - and then her heart is soft and humble and she will receive my instruction. She needs me to explain to her how her actions affect other people in a way she can understand and then she will reconcile where needed.

I also thought of Xochi and how, right now, she just needs me. Or Papa - as long as someone is with her and interacting with her. She's so social and curious and likes to be in on all the action. She is not content to miss out on anything.

And then I thought about how I am doing as their mother. Not as well as I'd like to be, unfortunately. As I bent down to pick up those toys I literally breathed deep prayers of confession about my impatience and my often harsh tone with them. I exhaled out loud and sighed, "Lord, help me be a better mama."

And in that moment, clear and sharp in my mind, a verse came to me. It was the Holy Spirit. I know it - because this is what the Holy Spirit does. (1 Cor. 2:11-16) He instructed me:

Remain in me and I will remain in you.... (John 15:4)

This verse has never made so much sense to me in all my life. If I remain in Him (in His word, in His fellowship of believers, in His teaching) then He will remain in me. And He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. (Psalm 103:8) Him in me means more of His character in me - as a woman, as a wife, as a friend....as a mama. And that is exactly what I need.

Isn't the Lord gracious to bring us along? - to weave together simple, timely principles in order to make us into people who bring glory to Him in the things He has set before us.

Even as I type, I am realizing how faithful God has been to bring me to this moment. In our adult Sunday school class this last week, we started a new video series taught by Paul Tripp. It is about relationships - mainly marital relationships - but it's principles can really be applied to any relationship. There were a couple key points that impacted me. Specifically, these things:

• Everything you do and say is caused by what is inside of you

• What comes out of us is what was already inside our hearts. The heart is the source of your person-hood - your thoughts, feelings, desires and motivations.

Paul gave a visual example of a water bottle. With the cap off, he shook it from side to side and water spilled out of it. He asked the question: why did water come out of the bottle? Why did water come out of the bottle?

The answer: because the bottle was full of water.

Essentially: What comes out of us is what is already inside us. When life shakes you, what comes out of you is what is inside you. You can't change what comes out unless you change what's inside.

It wasn't necessarily this week that shook me. Let's just face it, being a mama pretty much shakes you up every day. At every turn in my day there is opportunity for the things inside me to be revealed. Every 6 am wake-up call, every misbehavior, each unkind word to a sibling, every cup of spilled drink at the breakfast table, every poopy diaper that makes me 5 minutes later than I already am, every mind-bogglingly unique character trait - presents me with a choice of how I will respond.

And so, I continue to pray that I would remain in Him.... and I wait anxiously for Sunday School next week to find out what to do next! ;-)

Xochi in her pneumonia bed


Sick Adia

Sick Steele

Finally, toward the end of the week, we got some sunshine
so we all went outside for a little vitamin D.
Adia's the blob under the blanket getting her full dose.