More Rewards

As a parent it is sometimes easy to overlook the successes we have in child training. My friend Amy has a great saying, "Right now, we are sowing. Later we will reap." But, thankfully there are those times when we see the fruit of our training. And I find that the more I train - the more often I see fruit.

Tonight... some fruit.

I had gone down to change a load of laundry and Justin had followed behind me to drop in some dirty Steele underwear. Suddenly, we heard a distressed cry coming from little Miss Adia Moon. Justin ran upstairs and there stood Steele. Wooden hammer in hand and a little Adia in front of him with a hammer shaped mark on her cheek. Justin swiftly asked Steele if he had hit her and he replied, "yes." (Thankfully we're still at that point where Steele always tells us the truth about his disobedience) Justin comforted Adia for a moment and then whisked Steele off for some discipline. I remained downstairs where I continued to hear crying from both ends of the house.

I know, I know. You're wondering where the fruit is.

I came upstairs just in time to witness Steele, some time after his discipline, run over to Adia in her swing and say, "Sorry Dee Dee." I stood and watched in amazement. Now, we have never taught him to say he's sorry. We've never demanded that he say it to us or his sister. Instead, we have decided to teach and model what a sorrowful and repentant heart looks like. We have pointed out to him the feelings that his sister is expressing when she cries because he has hurt her or taken a toy away from her. (We have also not rewarded Adia when she has unnecessarily bawled over a stolen toy) We have said "sorry" to each other in front of him and "sorry" to him when we have accidentally stepped on his toe or some other mishap. Our goal in doing this is that Steele feels truly sorry before he says it. We don't want him to simply go through the motions with a cold and unrepentant heart.

Now, it is true, that very often the Lord requires obedience from us even when we don't feel like obeying. Sometimes we must go to our spouse or to a friend to reconcile even when we still feel angry or hurt. But, in the end, when we repent before God - he knows our hearts. He knows when we understand our transgressions and come before him humbly asking for forgiveness. And he gives it to us. So, our reward tonight? Steele realized how he had hurt his sister, felt badly about it, and ran to her to reconcile. Needless to say, we told him that we, and the Lord, were very pleased with him.

We are also taking this approach as we teach him about thankfulness and manners. Many may disagree with us, but we also do not require that Steele say "please" or "thank you". Instead, we have chosen to point out peoples' kindness when they help us, their hospitality when they make a meal for us, their generosity and thoughtfulness when they give us a gift. We model saying "thank you" but more importantly we make every attempt to model having a thankful heart. We often note, in front of our children, God's beautiful creation or the good gifts He has given us and how thankful we are for them. When we pray together at night we make a point of thanking God for all of His blessings.

In regard to saying please - we also do not believe that please is some magic word you tack on to the end of a sentence to get something that you want. On several occasions I have seen children, with a demanding and entitled spirit, ask for something and include the word please and get what they want. Justin and I have chosen to be more concerned with Steele's heart toward us then with the words he uses. Now, when Steele asks me for something I often will follow with the same sentence in a cheerful voice with the word please - but, if he has asked me sweetly and kindly, (and I want him to have it) I will give him what he has asked for. Justin and I say please to each other and use the word please when we are at the grocery store and running errands - but more than anything we try to be friendly and joyful to the people we meet and see. And more and more often I see Steele smile and wave at people, say hi to them, answer them when they ask how he is doing or what his sister's name is ... and he is also beginning to say please and thank you. Rewards.

On a final note: Recently a friend of mine offered Steele something and asked him to say please. I quickly insisted that he say it because he needed to obey what she had asked him to do.

And now, some pictures. I just happened to snap these yesterday after Steele had been disciplined for something. Steele's smiling face and arms clenched so tightly around his papas neck after he had been absolved of his sin against Justin speaks clearly to me. I had to capture it.

This wasn't the moment of reproof
but I chuckled at how much it looks like it is.

Hugs


Whiskery Kisses


Kisses


And of course I had to add tonight's devotion time 'cause it was so dang cute.