A Day

Whew.

What a difference a day makes.

Justin and I decided on Thursday night that I should call my new OB (who I have not seen yet) to verify that I should still remain on bed rest. It's kind of a long story but basically, the GP I was seeing put me on bed rest almost three weeks ago, transferred me to an OB (with no explanation to me) and then I never heard from anyone again. At that point my OB appointment was still a week and a half away.

So I put a call in on Friday to the OB's office and heard back from two very friendly and helpful nurses. After speaking with the doctor, the second nurse explained to me that they usually only put women with complete previa on bed rest if they are having bright red spotting. To which I replied, "Well... I haven't had any bright red spotting. I've only ever had light, brown spotting."

"Hmmm... really?" she said. "We thought that's why you were on bed rest."

Uh.. no.

So the nurse told me to resume some normal activity this weekend and see how I feel. She said to call immediately if I have any bright red. As you can imagine, I am SO glad I called. I already felt so much better yesterday. Both emotionally and physically. I'm still being careful and want to talk to the doctor more extensively on Wednesday but really, what a difference a day makes. My gut is a little more tame, my body is not aching and while we were out at dinner last night and visiting with my grandma, I barely noticed the lower belly pressure and discomfort I've been feeling for days. I don't know if it was actually less or if I was just distracted enough to not notice it but either way - it felt great!

I'm leaving all of our care help in place for now - until we find out some more information from the obstetrician. The reality is that most women with complete previa experience some sort of spotting, many even have heavy bleeding, throughout their pregnancy. I want to do everything I can to avoid that and avoid complete bed rest again if at all possible. (Because have I mentioned? It sucked.) I'll have to find some balance. This morning my balance was deciding that Halloween decorations can wait since they're down in the basement and Justin isn't here to help me. Trust me, my mind started reeling with a flurry of all of the possible fall activities, crafts and yummy-ness I've been dreaming of... but I quickly reined myself in. More knitting, less baking. More snuggling with kids and books, less pumpkin hunting. More on-line shopping, less frantic 11th hour making of Halloween costumes...

If you've signed up to help us out please know how humbled and thankful we are for your care for us. Hold tight for now and I'll keep you posted on our needs. Our families have been very gracious to help us hire help for both the children and house keeping. My best guess at this point is that we'll continue with that but probably won't need meals and volunteers. PRAYING that is the case!

Ps. I'm already second-guessing my baby names.

PPs. Please, please, please accept my apology if you're offended by the phrase "it sucked." I realize this is kind of a generationally accepted term. (I don't think generationally is a word..) But sometimes, you know, you just gotta use a curse-y type word. Rest assured grammies out there - I don't say it around my children. Just to my best bloggy friends.

PPPs. How could I have forgotten??!! Probably because I started writing this, got my kids dressed and dropped off at church and then came back to it. THANK YOU, thank you for your wonderful, beautiful comments on my last post. I sat and read them over and over again and CRIED. God used your words and your prayers to strengthen me that day.

Gut Gone Wild

And other random thoughts to enhance your day.

1. My gut has gone wild. In many, many awful ways that I won't go into... for now.

2. I have a whole new respect for Michelle Duggar and her 19 pregnancies. I loved her before but now, she may have achieved saint-hood in my heart.

3. I am only 18.5 weeks along and my insides feel like they are going to explode out of my super-tight, stretch-rebelling skin. It makes me feel claustrophobic.

4. Justin and I are trying to think of creative ways to get me OUT of this house. Like wheel-chairing around the mall. I'm desperate.


Ok... I just read this back to myself and have decided I'll stop there. It sounds really depressing. The reality is that I'm having a very hard time. Please pray for me, friends. Pray for my emotions and my mental well-being. The details feel a little raw to share here publicly, but some days I just don't know how I'm going to make it through the next months.

Fortunately, our home is never without some comic relief to lighten things up. I'll leave you with the best from today so far.

Steele: Adia, be quiet.

Me: Steele, why did you just tell Adia to be quiet? That didn't sound very nice.

Steele: Well, she just says the rudest things to me ALL. DAY. LONG.

Me: Really? What did she say?

Steele: She said, "Steeeeele!" (with a little rise in intonation at the end)


Wow. How dare she!

(Also, I've never thought much about it before, but I would really love to know who I'm sending these random thoughts out to in blogland. If you're a lurker - leave me a comment. It would make my day.)

Still Resting

Although a little more fully now. As of Sunday afternoon, my doctor put me on more complete bed rest.

The bump. The headless pregnant lady. (You know how it is. Bad hair. No make-up.)

It's hard. Physically, emotionally, relationally, logistically, parentingly... pretty much all the lly's you can think of. Please pray for us when you remember.

I am truly humbled and grateful for the ways our friends and family have helped us this week. Meals, visits, new clothes (thanks, Mom!), e-mails checking in. I especially appreciated a friend dropping a meal by yesterday who brought her sweet 2 month old. It was good to remember what it's like to hold a sweet smelling newborn.

I'm 17.5 weeks. At this point, we have no idea how long this bed rest could last. We're praying for the best but, as time has gone on, we're also trying to think practically about preparing for the long haul.

I wanted to clarify a bit about what exactly is going on. I have complete previa. This means that my placenta is completely covering my cervix. There are many different levels of previa but this complete previa isn't as likely to correct and is a little riskier. A lot of women have previa and don't even know about it. The fact that I've been cramping and spotting is more concerning.

I hope I don't offend anyone when I say this, but please oh please don't leave me comments saying things like, "But it will all be worth it in the end" or "You're doing the most important job there is right now." For some reason, could be hormones, these phrases don't make me feel any better. A simple, "That must be really hard... (scary, sucky, etc.) I will be praying for you" is really helpful and lets me know you recognize how I'm feeling. And how I'm feeling is that I have 4 other people in my life that God has given me to love and serve and right now I can't do those things very easily or well. The other truth is that we really don't know how things will turn out in the end and sitting around on the couch really isn't my most important job. My most important job is to trust God and His sovereignty and rest in the fact that my faithful God, for whatever reason, has chosen this path for us. My job is to glorify Him and serve Him in the midst of it. *Please don't worry if you've already said one of those things to me. I'm not offended... I'm just not sure I can handle hearing it again. You know, the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing.

This is the only thing I know for sure:

What is thy only comfort in life and death?

That I with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him. (from the Heidelberg Catechism)

Rest

This picture makes my belly look comically larger than it really is.
I had to share it with you.

Those are my orders. I spoke with my doctor yesterday and quite honestly, he didn't tell me much of anything I didn't already know. He commented that it really is amazing how many of these situations correct themselves by the time of delivery, which I was encouraged to hear. He also put me on partial bed rest. I think his exact words were to be "really lazy" and "no going to the grocery store or vacuuming." When he said that I thought to myself how many of my normal, daily activities are just as or more strenuous than vacuuming or going to the store. Because really, I would consider those two of my lighter activities... I'm still having cramping and spotting so he said he wants me to take it easy for a few days and see if it stops and if it doesn't, he'll put me on strict bed rest until it does. The reality is that when I'm lying down, the cramping stops. When I get up, even to make myself something to eat, it starts again.

The other glaring reality is that somebody in our family has to work. You know, so we can do things like.. eat and have running water. Luxuries, really. ;-) Justin came home from work early on Wednesday because of all that was going on. (I don't think I mentioned that Steele and Adia both had fevers, headaches and nausea on Wednesday and were miraculously better on Thursday..) Justin took today off and we are hoping that the majority of this will subside and he'll be able to go back on Sunday. I decided that the best plan, in order to have the highest chance of him being able to do that, is to be as inactive as possible. If strict bed rest is a possibility on the horizon, I'd rather just do it now when Justin is already home. Does that make sense?

Hopefully, by now, you know me a little bit. I'm honest. Often to my detriment. I wouldn't be being honest now if I didn't say that I feel pretty discouraged. Please understand when I say this that I am VERY grateful that little babe is healthy and doing well. I am able to put things in perspective and know that this is what matters most. The discouraging part is that I am only 16 weeks along. I am trying my best to not think about tomorrow or what the future may hold or if I might have to go on bed rest again by the time this baby is born. (Matthew 6:34)

So that's where we're at. On the couch, in bed, at the computer. After reading Nie's blog yesterday I think I might have Justin take me for a drive.

Your prayers. I cannot even begin to tell you how thankful I have been for so many peoples' prayers, stories, encouragement... I know a lot of people don't like facebook (especially my 82 year old grandma) but it has been a blessing to me during this time. It has been a way for me to connect with my friends and other mamas when I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. Reading what others are up to and communicating with my friends daily has helped me to not feel so isolated.

One wise friend also gave me this encouragement yesterday which I was very thankful for. I thought it might encourage some of you as well in whatever you might be struggling in.

Even if you feel more comfortable turning inward and focusing simply on your family with your energy (not blogging, etc) make sure that you invest yourself in praying for and seeking out the prayer needs of others. It helped me tremendously to get out of my own situation in my head and carry the burdens of others in prayer while I was struggling so much emotionally with my own condition.

Placenta Previa

That's what I have. After a series of anxiety-inducing events throughout what seems my entire pregnancy so far (and even pre-pregnancy), I found out yesterday that I have complete placenta previa. I've had cramping and spotting several times over the last few months which was thought to be from some earlier discovered subchorionic hematomas, but after it happening again this week my doctor sent me for another ultrasound yesterday which revealed the previa.

Ugh. Again, this pregnancy has been a surprisingly rough road for me. So where do we go from here? I'm not absolutely certain. I'll probably know more once I hear back from my doctor on Friday. Thankfully, even though they were about to send me away from the imaging center without any information, I asked to speak to the radiologist who explained to me what was going on. He was encouraging and explained - as I've now read more about - that this generally poses no risk to the baby and that most women are able to carry to full term. What it most likely means for me is that I'll have to be monitored closely, especially in my last weeks of pregnancy, and then will most likely end up having a c-section. Obviously, the baby can't be delivered through the placenta and in fact, once I go into labor, it will be extremely important that I get to the hospital quickly in order to prevent any hemorrhaging.

I want to talk to my doctor about the exact placement of the placenta over my cervix. I found some interesting data that said about 90% of women found with previa early in their second trimester end up delivering normally because the placenta tends to move up as the uterus grows. This is more common in women with partial previa though... so we'll just wait and see. In the mean time, I have these very disconcerting symptoms but am extremely grateful to see that the baby is still doing well and is healthy. As difficult as it is to take it easy with three little ones, that is pretty much what's in order for me over the next 6 months or so. No more Jazzercise (which I've only tried once and it sort of started all of this off this week), sweet 30 lb Xochi will be moved to her toddler bed so I don't have to lift her as much, lots of sitting around on the couch cuddling, reading, knitting, etc. It's only temporary. I am thankful for my friends who have reminded me of this and so I keep repeating it to myself. Just for a season...

I also wanted you all to know that if you don't see me around this space much, this is probably why. All of this has been very emotional for me and when I feel overwhelmed and emotional I tend to pull in. And for now, "in" feels like the best place to be. Pulling my children, my husband and the Lord a little closer and resting in the peace that they bring. Steele and Adia have been especially sweet blessings - there have been more than several occasions when I've been on the couch or my bed (or the kitchen floor) crying and discouraged and they have literally wiped my tears, patted my arm or my head, kissed me and told me they love me. My prayer is that even through the tears, that they would see God's faithfulness and perfect plan for our family.

Admittedly, this little baby has brought so much adventure into our lives already... I'm a little nervous to see what will happen when he/she actually arrives! (we tried to see gender yesterday but it's still a little early... I'll let you know though!)

Bits

I have so much on my mind lately. I feel like one blog post could never do it all justice. Here's an attempt, in an abbreviated fashion.

1. At the forefront of my brain, most days, is this pregnancy and all that it entails. (16 weeks tomorrow!) Have I mentioned it's been a rough go? It has. Very rough. I won't go into all the details but it's involved a lot of doctor's appointments and ultrasounds and a fair amount of discomfort, pain and anxiety. Sweet babe looks to be doing great which I am thankful for, but his or her mama is not. It seems it might be related to my endometriosis which is both encouraging and discouraging. Most recently I have a sharp pain in my right flank sort of up under my ribs. It hurts worse when I inhale. I've been waiting it out a bit, hoping that it might relieve itself... hoping that it might be related to constipation (TMI? Sorry.. nobody ever told me about this part of pregnancy. It stinks. But not literally, of course. That's the problem.) But worrying that it might be a kidney infection or something worse but not wanting to go to the doctor again but freaking out a bit after reading that if it were a kidney infection that I would need to be in the hospital immediately. Honestly, I would really appreciate your prayers. I'm clinging to prayer these days. Hoping that I can soon move on from stress to a bit more excitement.

2. Re: baby. I think we have settled on names. But just so that we don't have the comical and ever-changing baby name fiasco we did with Xochi... I think I might wait a while to share. I'm definitely not one to wait until the baby is actually here to reveal the name - I'm far too much of a blabber mouth for that - I just want to be a little more certain first. Even though I feel very certain now but well, you understand. To build a little excitement - both names start with "W."

I found these pictures on my computer and they made me smile.

Steele on a scooter ride with our neighbor.

3. We began some new adventures in our family this fall. The first is that Steele is now a Tiger Cub! It's turning out to be the perfect activity for him and for us. This is our first official kid activity - we chose it with much prayer and thoughtfulness and are excited. Especially because Steele is so excited.

The second is that I have started teaching the middle school Sunday school class at our church. My class is made up of four home-schooled, middle school boys. What could be cooler than that?! I made the comment to someone that I'll take four home-schooled, middle school boys over four public-schooled, middle school girls any day. Last week was our first week and the only student to show up was my 12 year old brother Gabe. We took our donuts to Starbucks and hung out there for a while. Hopefully I'll get to do my prepared lesson (which includes fire and candy) tomorrow morning.

Adia and Mr. B.

4. This fall, more than ever, I am so thankful that this season has arrived. For obvious reasons, like my less-than-ideal summer, but also because we have started full-swing into schooling. Both the kids and I are loving it. Steele and Adia are doing so well. There is something uniquely special about getting to be present for each new learning milestone and insight in their lives. It is a huge blessing to me and strengthens our relationships in ways I could not have imagined. And of course, fall would not be complete without it's pumpkin spice coffees and homemade applesauce - both of which I have already partaken of.

I guess that's it for now. I'm certain there was more I wanted to share when I started but it's gone. It's raining today. I find such comfort in the rain. Justin is on his way home from work for four days off. I think I'll knit as much as I can. I'm also going to go visit a friend who is in the middle of her own first trimester misery. In life, there is always something to be thankful for. I am thankful that my own experience has allowed me to be sympathetic to others who are having challenging pregnancies. Because, sheesh! It's really surprising to me how many women are NOT sympathetic. But that's another post for another day... or maybe it's best if I just keep that rant to myself.

La Luchadora

La Violencia Negra

Black Violence


We had a little fun with the Mexican Wrestler Name Generator.
Xochi's was awfully fitting.
Try it! Tell me what you get.