I feel crummy. Most of the time. All day long. CRUMMY! Miserable. Uncomfortable. Grumpy. And I am a ball full of tightly wound hormone-induced emotions that unravels at the most unbecoming times. You think I'm kidding. Over-exaggerating? I'm not. I have very little patience or grace for anyone in my life. Mostly, family members. Except for my husband who, oddly enough, I have grown more in love with over the past months. Maybe because I am so deeply dependent on him right now and because he has been a ROCK. A rock, I tell ya. And then, I am so frustrated and ashamed by my responses toward people that I become irrationally upset about them. It's a bad, bad cycle. I've decided that perhaps the safest method of dealing with all of this might just be to stay away from everyone for the next 10 weeks. (Which is the count-down to my probable c-section.. many hurrahs!) With Christmas and gatherings fast approaching, though, this might be near impossible. I wonder if they would believe Justin if he told them I flew to Mexico?.. Hmm....
And baby names.. Don't even get me started on baby names. I've come to the conclusion that perhaps the only reason I was ever able to fully commit to the prior 3 was because I was not pregnant while trying to decide. I think we've fully committed to three already. Announced one. And now I'm not so sure again.
So that's how I'm doing. In case you were wondering. Did I mention that pregnancy also seems to have affected my filter? Way more honest than I probably should be. Most of the time.
Fortunately, through everything, I have not lost my ability to be thankful for things. Namely, my children. And the anticipation of getting to meet a new one soon. They are just about the purest bright spots of my day. They make me laugh and smile. (and cry) So I thought I would share the thing that gave me the biggest smile and chuckle this past week. Adia Moon and the Papa went for their first day of skiing. I'm not allowed to go up to the mountain this year so Justin has to take each child separately. So far, Adia is our most courageous skier, directing Papa to "please let go" of her so she can ski whole runs by herself. Her papa couldn't be more proud or excited. Gotta love that girl's chutzpah. Most of the time...
Adia Moon (4 yrs old)
This one made me laugh the most for some reason.
I think because of the way she just stares at him when he says "French fries, not pizza."
6 comments:
She is ADORABLE. So happy you're doing alright - but it's true that you'll have a beautiful baby in your arms soon! Take care!
Ask Tayler and Beau about me during pregnancy.....I could have written this exact post daily. Don't fret...you are in great company! :) Oh, and any name you choose will be wonderful.
I'll hang out with you and have extra grace for hormones and lack of filter if you'd like (:
Cutzi, don't beat yourself up for being a little on the grumpy side. I'm like that and FAR from having a pregnancy excuse! I whine if I don't see my kids enough. I whine if I see them too much. (actually, ok, that hasn't happened, but I could see if they moved home, I might whine) It's all about perspective, and as my Granddmother always reminded me a million years ago when I was in your shoes, "this too shall pass". Hang in there, and PLEASE don't disappear for 10 weeks. We'd all miss you too much!
Adia is fearless!
Having no filter is one of my favorite qualities in a friend. It makes things much more interesting.
Pregnancy!!! LOL I am the worst kind of wreck while pregnant. Just wait, if God blesses me with another, you will see how much of a pansy I am. Preg, labor and postpartum are so tough! 10 weeks to go!
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