Lately, my days seem to go in a familiar cycle similar to this:
Feed Xochi
Diaper Xochi
Feed Steele
Feed Adia
Clean - kitchen, toys, kid potty, floor in front of big potty, spot on the rug where I change Xochi, faces, bums etc.
Discipline
*Repeat* (in no particular order) a bazillion times a day.
It's tiring. Physically tiring. More tiring than I ever anticipated. Tiring to the point that I often cannot remember the words I want to use in any given sentence.
My mind has a tendency to swirl with the things I want to do and need to do but don't have the energy or the time to do. I chuckle at the new me - one that cleans the kitchen every night so I can be sure that I at least did one of the aforementioned list items well in my day. But tonight while my work was winding down (at midnight), lest I complain, I concluded a couple of things.
The first is that it feels really good at the end of the day to fall into bed exhausted - knowing that I worked hard all day. I cannot remember another time in my life that I have worked, served and given so much (albeit not always as joyfully as I'd like to). It makes the Sabbath sweeter. It makes time with my husband more appreciated. It makes dinners out a welcome treat. This is a good thing. It is worthwhile.
And second, it is causing me to savor the small joys in life more than I ever have. A moment to read a magazine. A few more minutes in the shower or in bed in the morning. A good, strong hug from my husband. A fresh, hot cup of coffee (as opposed to a microwaved one). A fun-filled moment of laughter with my children.
I took Adia and Xochi out to Mexican food tonight. Justin is down for the count with the norovirus and Steele spent most of his day being instructed and disciplined and then telling me how much he "couldn't believe" the instruction and discipline I was giving him. So the girls and I decided to get out of the house. The restaurant we were at has a mural of two large hands reaching down to a table. Here is the interaction that occurred when Adia noticed the hands.
Adia (2.5): Look Mama, hands!
Mama: Yes, those are God's hands.
Adia: Oh! (holding her hands out like the ones in the mural) He's saying, "I love you Mexican."
It was the sweetest and the funniest thing ever.
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15 comments:
Ahhh being a mother of 3! It does get easier. I also really want to be friends with Adia. She's awesome. :D
That is so cute that she said that.
Keep on, Cutzi! It is kingdom work you're doing and you're doing it so well!
That's adorable! You're raising your kids with such an awesome view of ethnicity.
You have such a beautiful way of writing about motherhood. You always manage to both inspire and terrify me (just a little), but mostly your writing makes me hope that we're getting a little bit closer to being parents.
Cutzi, my friend, I so understand. And I wish I could say, like everyone said to me when my five guys were all younger, that it gets easier. But the truth is...well, okay. Yeah, it gets easier in some respects. But then it gets harder, in a whole lotta different ways. Just keepin' it real. (What else would you expect from me? *grin*)
I can imagine Adia saying that. So sweet. My boys get such a kick out of how well she speaks.
My friend? What can I say? You have summed it up. Sounds like Steele and Ryan are cut from the same cloth. He is always wondering why I am being "so hard on him."
So is Justin in the basement?? We have a high fever here of 102-103, hoping it doesnt get ugly in the last few weeks before school starts.
Have I said before that I wish we were neighbors?
And? I love Adia.
That's how my thoughts come out. In no particular order.
I know what you mean about not finding words. I feel really stupid lately. Toung tied and stupid.
It is physically tiring. But as things become habits (like sleep and cleaning the kitchen every night) life will be easier. We just need to be easier on ourselves in the meantime.
We are so at the same place right now! With the exception that I just have to stay home more to survive!
I second your thoughts on the microwaved coffee.
With each new child in our family comes this period of the Cycle you mentioned. It reaches it's chaotic sleep deprived height and then settles again into a more manageable flow.
And since it's coming up pretty quick for us, this post is a good reminder to me to enjoy what we have now and to gear up for this new little person and his/her presence in our lives.
Now I have a moment to snuggle and read to Mercy, to spend time in the Word, to play a game with the boys. Thanks for reminding me about what I do have now so that I can enjoy it!
Love to you and your sweet people as you ride this part of the wave!
What wise women commenting here today! If it is possible, I am encouraged so much by your post, because in the midst of your struggle, you are still holding fast to the sacred, and what a sweet gift little Aidia is...still laughing and glowing from the gift of that moment for you!
I remember this cycle too everytime someone new joins our home....this last time lasted waaaay longer and was waaaay harder than the others...but it does work its way into a new rhythm eventually. I am cheering you on, friend. You are amazing at this!
I cherished the advice my MIL gave me...."its gets easier honey, it gets easier".
Sometimes the amount of needs that my two littles have is overwhelming...actually smothering. That's when I just have to pray, "Lord, help me be a GOOD Mama today...help me cope!".
I feel you girlfriend...right there with you.
Cutzi
You were MADE to be a Mama. You ROCK. All this hard work and effort will pay off. Your children will be responsible God-loving mama praising adults. (unless they make other choices). You will,however, no matter what their choices are later in life, always be able to fall into bed at night, knowing that you gave it your all and to the Glory of God.I know you know how blessed you are. I even think you remember how blessed you are when you are in the midst of discipining sometimes. You are that kind of woman.
Kathy G
I already told you how much I loved Adia's comment, but I really enjoyed this whole post too. I can so relate. Feeding people, discipling people, cleaning up after people. Occasionally packing people into the car so we can go to the grocery store. And I feel like that is absolutely all I have time for. But you're right...it's worth it. And it does feel good to go to bed knowing you've worked hard. You're an awesome mama and you totally inspire me.
Man, do I love this post, Miss Cutz!
So real....I can feel your pain. Yet you're still seeing the fun and joy in your mothering. You're still taking each thing as it comes instead of letting the last incident cloud your outlook. I love it. It's the most important thing a mother can do.
And Adia. What a doll.
And the words? I have the Noodle trained to finish my sentences for me. It's taken years, but she's gotten really really good at it :) Steelio will be there soon, I suspect.
Cutzi...
I guess it doesn't really get "easier", but it gets different. And it's not quite so physically exhausting when they get a bit older.
There are landmarks that bring relief... When they sleep through the night. When they can all dress themselves. When they can potty themselves. When they can get themselves in and out of carseats and/or seatbelts... that was huge.
You're doing a great job :0)
Julie
this makes me nervous :)
I'm going to look to your transitions and see how it all goes. The Lord is good to us and showers us with lots of grace. In that, I rest.
happy mama-ing!
Wowzers. Really beautiful post. I think I will be needing to come back and read it again from time to time, just for some perspective-adjustment. Well-written!
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