What My Heart Desires

A few of you have been asking if there are any baby updates and I'm so thankful to know you are all thinking about me and wondering. I hope you know that I never mind people asking. I'm pretty much an open person - open here, open in real life. Wait. Is this real life? Anyway, nothing new to report for now. There is some legal work that has to be done and none of the medical stuff can be started until that's done. So that's where we're at.

Along these lines though, I've been thinking about so many things lately. About babies. About family. About being a mother. About baby names! (which I pretty much do all the time) I feel ready for another baby. At least ready to be looking forward to another one.



People often ask us this question: How many do you want to have?

To casual friends or acquaintances, I usually tell the truth. Without hesitation. They look shocked for moment but then quickly move on, keeping their comments and judgement to themselves. Admittedly though, it is often most difficult to discuss this topic with those closest to us - to the ones who know us best, know our struggles and our weaknesses, our sinfulness and our imperfection. I read their critical questioning or their concerned silence - I know what they're thinking. Sometimes they're not just thinking it - sometimes they say it out loud.

You seem stressed out enough as it is.
You have your hands full with three.
When is it going to be enough already?
You can't save them all, you know! (Which, by the way, is not our goal. God is the only one in the business of saving)
Well I don't care how many kids people have, as long as they can pay for them all!

It's hard to hear sometimes. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I wish I would just keep every challenge, every frustration, every impatient response to myself so that no one would know. But the truth is that being a parent is hard work. Harder than I ever thought it would be. Justin and I were a couple that talked at length about parenting before we ever had kids - we decided what kind of children and family we wanted, how we wanted to parent... and for the most part, we have stuck to that. And yet, it is still hard. It is not a magic formula where you shove kids in one end and have them come out uniformly on the other end. I'm fairly certain (I hope!) that if you asked this mom or this mom or this mom that they would tell you the same thing.

And still, my heart's desire is to have a large family.

I don't know if this is going to happen. That is for God alone to know and for me to trust. And I do trust Him. Implicitly. Sometimes I even wonder if I have the physical and emotional energy to raise and homeschool a lot of children. The answer to that is no. Right now, I don't. Sometimes I think ahead to how the Lord could possibly answer my prayers and I think, "Ack!! I was an only child raised by a single, newly-believing mother, all the while going to public school. I struggle with pain and fatigue and anxiety and hormones. I don't know what the trivium is or the difference between the Westminster and Heidelberg catechisms. I don't even think I remember how to do Algebra! Why in tarnation do I ever think I could do that?!?!" (ok, so I've never used the word tarnation, but you get the picture) Yet, when I imagine myself as a grandmother, as a mother-in-law... as an old woman on the doorstep of eternity - I see myself surrounded by family. Children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren - a miraculous and surprising HUMONGOUS heritage of faith that might, by God's grace, go on for generations. It would be my life's sweetest blessing.

So I pray, almost every day, that God would make me the kind of mama that would be able to raise many children. I pray for wisdom, grace, energy, tenderness and consistency. I pray that I would teach with patience and passion. I pray that I would be slow to anger and quick in love. I ask for diligence and organization and clarity. I ask that God would cause me to be faithful in what He's given me today as I trust Him for the rest. I am not perfect, I never will be. That is one thing I know for sure. I also know that God is able to equip me for whatever He puts before me.


So we'll see what happens.

And for the record, between you and me... maybe a nice round number like... 10? I have no idea how something crazy like that would happen....but you never know! God always seems to have some amazing adventures up His sleeve.

Gettin' Stuff Done

View from my in-law's living room the morning of New Year's day.

Justin has to work a lot this week. It's always helpful to help pass these days by filling them up with work/activities. Last night I compiled a mental list of goals for the week. I figured I'd better spew them out somewhere. Here you go (in no particular order):

Make and Eat food - Since we started this whole Paleo thing (about 6 months ago now!) I don't cook very often. When Justin's home he cooks dinner and when he's not home I tend not to eat much and just fix cheater junk for the kids. ie. rice pasta and cheese or quesadillas on corn tortillas. Enough of that. I'm relying on Paleo Mama and Everyday Paleo for my inspiration.

Door Draught - It's been cold around here. Every time it's cold I walk around our little old house, feeling the draught coming from under the doors and say, "That's it! I'm going to make some door draught stoppers!" And then the weather warms up and I forget about them. Not this time. I'm doin' it. This one's cool, but I think I'll make something more along the lines of this.

School - Sure, we do school here and there and the kids are doing fine but our day just runs so much more smoothly with at least a loose schedule. I need to find one that works for us. I need to get our priorities out on paper. Find our groove. Create our culture. Still thinking about this.

Keep my house clean - We had a family work day on Saturday - inspired by the Duggars - and my house is sparkly clean and tidy. For my own sanity, I need to try and keep it that way. What we're working on: One thing out at a time. Put stuff away before you get something else out. If possible, wear clothes more than one time before they go in the laundry.

Get caught up on laundry - need I say more? Never ending. I really don't mind it so much.

Start some selfish knitting - I have some grey cascade 220 laying around that is begging to be used. The only problem - I can't seem to get these socks out of my brain. Before winter ends I am determined to make myself a couple of pairs of cozy house socks, a chunky cowl, a hat that I love, some fingerless mitts (maybe these) and possibly, oooohhh..could I wish for this much??? A warm, huggable, shawl collar grandpa sweater??? We shall see.

For my Grandma

Hot Water Bottle Cover

Pattern: linked above
Yarn: more of that sale stuff that I can't remember
Needles: size 7 circular
used magic loop and a kitchener stitch graft

I didn't have enough yarn to make the pocket. :-( But I think she'll still love it.

I'm awfully proud of myself that I completed a post-Christmas Christmas gift in record time. I'll give it to her tonight.

Happy Holidays

Knit Edition

Pattern: Thorpe Hat
Yarn: Cascade 128 Superwash Chunky
Needles: Hiya Hiya interchangeable size 9

As usual, I was busily knitting away during the days and nights before Christmas. I wasn't about to let a family-wide stomach bug keep me down for too long.

A few weeks prior, I decided to bag the individual hat patterns I had chosen and went with variations of the Thorpe for everyone. It is quickly becoming my favorite hat pattern - especially since learning the magic loop method. Using chunky yarn makes this a particularly warm winter hat and I really like how it goes down a little further in the back to keep little necks warm. A friend of mine passed along a neat stranded design which I easily adapted to the Thorpe to make it a little more interesting. I also couldn't resist adding a pom pom to Xochi's (post pic). What little girl doesn't look cute with a pom pom? After taking this picture I also added braided ties to each of the ear flaps.



I made a pair of One Cable Mitts for my sister Abbey to match her hat I made her. (I would list the yarn except I got it on sale, threw away the label and can't for the life of me remember what it is) She loved them. I am thankful for a 13 year old sister who loves and appreciates my knitted gifts. AND wears them... thank you home schooling.

On Christmas Eve, we get together with my mom's side of the family and exchange gifts. Several years ago we decided to exchange small stocking-stuffer sized gifts, $5 and under. As soon as the Mrs. Meyer's seasonal scent was released I snatched up about 10 bottles of dish soap and then set to work knitting some simple dish cloths. As a side story, a month or so ago my grandma had to make an unfortunate and unexpected early morning trip to the emergency room. She called me and asked me to call 9-1-1 for her. On my way out the door, I had enough sense to grab my needles and yarn and was able to knit up about 3 washcloths in the 8 or so hours I sat at the hospital. As it turned out, she was fine... she just needs to schedule the gall bladder surgery she's been putting off. Using a bit of twine, I tied the wash cloths to the soap and used them as my stocking gifts. I wish I had a picture to show you - I was so glad with how they turned out.

Pattern: Basic Knitted Dish Cloth
Yarn: Blue Sky Alpaca Worsted Cotton

The one thing I didn't get finished before Christmas that I really wanted to was a knit Secret Santa gift for our Jazzercise gift exchange. I finished them today though and will present them tonight at our big reveal party.

Pattern: Mitten Cuffs by Jane Richmond
Yarn: Cascade 128 Superwash
Needles: Size 10

I'm super excited about this little pair of mitts and can't wait to make a pair for myself! I love how you can wear them long or buttoned short.

And finally, I started on this hot water bottle cover for my grandma. She always appreciates my knitted gifts and I know she'll love this one just as well. I saw it on A Friend to Knit With - Leslie is using Cascade 220 (which is an absolute favorite, versatile yarn of mine) but I went with something else I had in my stash.

While there were plenty of knit gifts for other people, Christmas didn't pass without a couple of kniting related gifts for myself. Justin, as thoughtful as ever, got me two knitty gifts that I'm so excited about.

First, the Knit Kit. Love, love, love it.


And second, this wonderful book which I had seen on a blog before Christmas and told Justin I wanted before I initiated the "no Christmas wish list rule" in our home.

Knitting at Home

I can't wait to get some yarn, pull out my needles and cast on
for something out of it.

Oh!! And did I mention that those needles are my new Hiya Hiya interchangeables that I bought completely with consigned clothing money? Our local yarn shop is a combined yarn/consigned clothing store. Imagine my delight when the clerk told me I had $80 credit... sooo.... I bought the whole set!! Woo Hoo!!!

New Santa Poster

Here, in the living room, where we'll all get to enjoy it more often?

Or here, in the hallway, where we obviously need some art?

Would you like one too?
It's from Cavallini
I got mine for $5 at a cute little vintage shop,
but you can probs find it on-line somewhere.
$3 or so will get you a poster frame
from a thrift store.
Add a little blue spraypaint and voila!
Adorable Christmas.

ps. Cavallini has other amazing wrapping paper/posters
that could be used for a myriad of art
around the house.

pps. And if you're really lucky my kiddos will make
creases in it so it can be just like mine.
Bah humbug.

Firsts

First sled-worthy snow...

Adia (3)

First time on a sled....

Steele (5), Xochi (17 mo)

First trip to the mountain...

Uncle Gabe (11)

First run....

First time by herself...

This girl is so determined. While this video reveals a few tears,
Justin shared with me that she kept falling and getting up, falling and getting up.

First time on skis!!

She loved it and laughed and laughed up the lift.

Steele was having a rough ski day - we'll get pictures of him next time.

First haircut....

Olea is my new favorite person.
She came to our house, gave us all great haircuts,
and doesn't charge near enough.

This isn't the most stunning picture of Xochi -
but check out how much hair that girl has!

My apologies for these posts-only-a-grandma-would-love... but I love going back and looking at how they've changed over the years.

On Thanksgiving

The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! ~Henry Ward Beecher

Ahh... thankfulness. I try to live always with thankfulness by my side but today, I am especially thankful for this outside my window.

When I no longer thrill to the first snow of the season, I'll know I'm growing old.
-Lady Bird Johnson

And these silly girls:


For Adia and how she tells me she loves me as we're baking pies together.



For Xochi and how she she sings her way through life. She is our common denominator - everybody loves her.


For Steele and how when Justin is at work and Steele sleeps in our bed, that even if he is asleep when I lay down he snuggles close and puts his arm around me.

And for Justin - that he truly is my closest friend.